Selective memory

It never ceases to surprise me: my ability to filter out and selectively forget my condition.

It’s nearly a year and a half since Maggie first told me my levels of tiredness were unnatural and I should really go and see a doctor about it. Almost every day I have to have a lie down in the afternoon for 45 minutes or more, and if I don’t I really notice the difference. On a daily basis I’m reminded I don’t have the energy I ought to have, and several times a week I experience chronic bouts of extreme emotional pain.

And yet, give me a few hours of feeling relatively normal – not too tired and not unhappy – and I begin to believe that things aren’t anything like as bad as I’ve been moaning about. I seem to instantly forget how crippling the emotional lows can be and that at any moment I could suddenly feel drained like I’ve been unplugged.

You would think I would understand that when I’m not feeling exhausted I ought to be conserving my energy, not assuming that I’m probably over the worst of it now so need to get on and do things.

You would think so…

You would…

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……….