The blog of photographer Kim Ayres

One Spoon Short of a Cutlery Set...

Society: This is how a typical brain operates:

Camping Cutlery Set

Me: This is my brain:

Swiss army pen knife

Society: That's a seriously messed up brain you have there, son!

Me: What do you mean messed up? Look at all the things it can do!

Society: Where's your fork?

Me: I don't really need one – I've always got by making use of the corkscrew and that funny thing for getting a stone out of horse's hooves.

Society: You don't have a spoon!

Me: I manage to carefully avoid situations where I would ever need one. I've become extremely adept at foreseeing when it might be an issue, and sidestepping before anyone else has noticed.

Society: So you have Absent Spoon Disorder!

Me: What do you mean, disorder? Have you seen all the things I can do? I've got a long knife and a short one!

Society: But you don't have a spoon!

Me: Look at this - it's a file!

Society: But you don't have a spoon!

Me: What about this can opener? It's also got a small screwdriver on the tip!

Society: But you don't have a spoon!

Me: Have you any idea just how useful these scissors are?

Society: But you don't have a spoon!

Me: But I've got pliers, and a saw, and all sorts of other things that are really useful – don't these count for anything?

Society: Sorry – but you definitely have Absent Spoon Disorder! We can give you some anti-depressants to ease your discomfort at having to live with such a debilitating condition, and the obvious sense of guilt and failure you will feel at never being a productive member of society.

Me: But wait! Look, here, tucked into this little slot – tweezers! How cool is that?

Society: Are you still here?


Eryl said...

You've reminded me of what Noel Gallagher once said about his brother: "He's a fork in a world of soup." That could be me, I thought when I heard it. I've learnt to just pick up the bowl and drink but it totally offends the spoons!

Kim Ayres said...

We need to have a proper catch up over coffee, Eryl - it's been way too long :)

Serena said...

This is great Kim! I think society has far too many spoons. If they could give me some spares I will make spoonerisms with them.

Kim Ayres said...

Serena - it has the makings of a song, perhaps :)

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