The blog of photographer Kim Ayres

Temporal Debt - and Episode 29 of Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres

Financial debt is a part of many people's lives. Indeed, most of the Global Economy is built on it.

Money is borrowed from the future to deal with the problems of the now, in the hope that by the time the future comes, the finances will be in a better shape to pay it off.

For some, financial debt is taken to such a point that they have maxed out on every possible source of borrowing. They now live in a permanent state where not only do they not have enough to properly live on, but the interest on the debt is continuing to build up, such that they will never escape it.

Having grown up with a close relative whose attitude was more or less, "better to have something for 6 months and have it reclaimed, than never to have had it at all...", my own attitude to money has always been more cautious.

However, I've come to realise I live in a permanent state of temporal debt.

I never have enough time or energy, so am continually borrowing from the future, while at the same time constantly paying a vastly inflated price for it.

This is the problem of living with ME/CFS, while at the same time trying to earn a living so that financial debt does not become an issue.

As well as being something I enjoy doing, and want to do more of, the podcasts are also the foundation of the way I am pivoting my photography business in this Covid world of ours.

As I look towards doing more in the way of teaching online, starting and growing a membership, and finding other streams of income than taking photos for people, I have effectively been in business-startup mode for the past 7 months or so.

Starting a business takes up considerably more time and energy than maintaining a business, and Chronic Fatigue means everything takes way, way longer than it would otherwise.

The rate of progression feels painfully slow, and I am constantly pushing myself to, and beyond, my limits.

There are days I can achieve a bit more, but the cost is that the following day or two I will be wiped out and achieve little to nothing.

But I find that almost every day I'm trying to borrow a bit more of that time from the future, while still paying for the debt of yesterday.

There's a point in last night's podcast  where my mind just switches off for a moment and I cannot find any coherent thoughts.

Fortunately it doesn't last long. But while I try and maintain an upbeat energy in my presentation, when editing the podcast I can see quite a few points where I'm borrowing from today.

And today, in order to write this blog post, upload the edited video to YouTube, and link and promote it on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, I'm very aware of borrowing even more from tomorrow.

It's not always quite as bad as this on a Tuesday/Wednesday. After 29 weeks of doing the live video podcast I've become pretty good at taking things easy on a Monday and not involving myself in stress-related thoughts and activities on a Tuesday morning.

However, yesterday I had to go to the health centre to have a pint of blood removed (part of an ongoing treatment for haemochromatosis).

I could probably have coped with just being a pint of blood short, but the stress levels associated with having to go a health centre these days are disproportionally huge. No matter the levels of hand-sanitising and face mask wearing, the fear of picking something up, in a place where ill people congregate, is pretty anxiety inducing.

So before they day was properly underway, I was already ready to keel over.

There is plenty of financial crisis and debt management advice about, but where do you go for help for temporal debt?

On a lighter note, the momentary switch off aside, last night's podcast was enjoyable. It was fun to revisit the photo shoot I did with local indie-band, Kasama, and I gave some really shit hot advice on using window light with your selfies...


0.00 - What's coming up
3:20 - Photo shoot for local Indie band, Kasaman
16:40 - Critique of images submitted to the Facebook Group, "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres"
1:17:30 - End

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