Thursday, April 12, 2007

New Look...

Have you ever been chewing the top of a pen while writing and it’s suddenly cracked and given way and you end up with a few shards of plastic in your mouth? That’s what I thought had happened when I was sitting in bed writing my diary this morning. But when I pulled the pen out of my mouth I was surprised to find it completely intact. A fraction of a second later it dawned on me what had just happened as my tongue shot up to a gap and I spat out my front tooth.

Actually it’s a crown and fortunately it doesn’t hurt, but after calling the dentist every 4 minutes for an hour and a half, and only getting the answer machine, I was beginning to fear that out our tenuous link to any hope of dental services in this corner of Scotland (see Dentists, NHS and Poland) had disappeared right at the time I needed it most. However, at 9.45am I was called back to say my dentist is away on holiday but I can be squeezed in for an emergency session on Tuesday.

In the meantime I have become intensely aware of how many words begin with “F and “V”, and that I can’t seem to kiss my children. Partly this is to do with the fact that when you pucker up you create a certain amount of suction between your lips and front teeth. I had no idea this was the case until the gap where the tooth used to be prevented this subtle and delicate oral manoeuvre. The other part is to do with the fact that my kids now cringe whenever I come near them. This new look of mine is apparently quite disturbing.

I might have a degree in philosophy but I now look like a country hick whose mother is also his sister and his regular lover supplies all the family’s wool needs.


29 comments:

eva said...

Put a scarf on your head and you could be cast in Pirates of the Caribbean! ;)

Stinkypaw said...

Man! No wonder your kids aren't too keen on kissing you, expecially if you make faces like that - which I'm sure you do, 'cause all good fathers do! ;-)

As long as you have no pain, that's what really counts! Good luck with that!

Shebah said...

My dear, the Deliverance look is so funky! Have you got the blue denim overalls and the straw hat? The kids will love your new look! Especially if you have the chainsaw too!

Brave Astronaut said...

or perhaps you have been playing hockey?

You are correct in your synopsis of the game that is (well, not really) consuming the American people right now.

I have been to several fights where a hockey game broke out. Hockey players are fast adherents to the adage, "If you can't beat 'em on the ice, beat 'em in the alley."

ADW said...

You need a few more necessities (or lack thereof) before you qualify for any backwater man on man love, but good luck on getting it fixed.

quinn said...

Omg...hahaha..( I mean man what a bummer to have to go to the dentist and shell out the dollars for an emergency squeeze in to fix a darn tooth.) ...but...love the picture and yes, reminds me exactly of some "redneck" like those you described.

The Birdwatcher said...

Great look! Perhaps you could get a job in the Cafe Continental?

eg (scotland) said...

To be a true country hick, you need a piece of straw hanging out your mouth. You don't play the banjo - do you?

Kav said...

Nice work there Cletus.

Pendullum said...

Nice, I have just sent over one of my fellow bloggers to your site...
and look at ya!!!
Would ya just look at ya...
Hope it is not as painful as it looks...
and as for kissing your kids... I bet they are running for cover..
Say it don't spray it!!!
hahahahahaha!!!
and I am gratefulit did not happen in your wee roadside cafe from a few posts ago...

Stella said...

"Squeal like a pig boiy"

ROFL Kim, so glad I popped back in, glad you're not in pain and hope you get it fixed soon!

Eryl Shields said...

So, you were lying in bed writing your diary - very decadent - and chewing on a pen and the pen bit back huh? And now rather than a philosophising writer you look like a football hooligan. Splendid!

Carole said...

Again with the laughter.

"I might have a degree in philosophy but I now look like a country hick whose mother is also his sister and his regular lover supplies all the family’s wool needs."

That's funny stuff and I must say it only took me five minutes to figure out the regular lover's species. Fast for me.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

The pen is mightier than the incisor. There's a lesson here for us all.

Kim Ayres said...

Eva - now there's an idea. I'm pretty sure I got an eye-patch and hook in my stocking at xmas that I could dig out

Stinkypaw - what face? what are you implying???

Shebah - it's quite the fashion these days for the trendy ruralsexual

Brave Astronaut - actually I got into a fight rescuing a defenceless old woman from 6 huge thugs armed with basball bats and knuckle dusters... but I don't like to boast.

ADW - one step at a time, ones step at a time...

Quinn - thanks for the sympathy...

Birdwatcher - I'd end up spraying the customers when asking if they want a teabag in their tea.

EG - I have been known to pick one up on occasion, but usually I stick to the mandolin

Kav - thanks Brandine!

Pendullum - and what kind of warnings did you give them in advance?

Stella - you should come round more often. What are you up to these days?

Eryl - ah, the ironies of life...

Carole - it was worth it though, wasn't it?

Sam - if only I'd learned it when I was younger, it would have saved so much discomfort over the years.

michael said...

don't chew pens

Kim Ayres said...

NOW you tell me!

Foot Eater said...

What you got against us country folk, boy?

sarah said...

i agree with eva, you should dress up like a pirate.

(i'm not laughing. i'm not laughing. i'm not laughing.)

seriously.. from a person that had very gnarly teeth for years.. (before we could afford braces) i know what it's like to be self conscious about smiling.. laughing.. speeking.. (i'm sorry)

Mauzy said...

Eryl Shields What she said..... yeah

What about the chewing on the pen while writing in a diary....ewwww
Like you still have time after blogging to actually write, in pen?

hope you do get quick tooth attention and continued no pain

;)

Kim Ayres said...

Foot Eater - nothin at all. Some of my fondest childhood memories are romping with your sister/aunt/cousin.

Sarah - I can hear you not laughing from this side of the Atlantic. But I think Maggie's quite taken with the Pirate idea.

Mauzy - It's about the only time in my life that I do write in pen, and I can only squeeze it in by making my diary entry the first thing I do when I wake up.

jotcr2 said...

Not your best look kim...

Fat Lazy Guy said...

haha! Gain back all your weight, get a lot more tanned, and lose a few more front teeth and you'll almost look like my dad.

Kim Ayres said...

Jo - not even dressed up as a pirate?

FLG - Son? Is that you???

Attila The Mom said...

Oh Gak!

You know I actually have nightmares of this happening, and have to run to look in the mirrow when I wake up!

I hear the theme of Dueling Banjos in the background. LOL

Mary Witzl said...

I have to say that the pirate look is hot. Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

I also managed to lose a piece of tooth chewing on the end of a plastic pen. I've had to wean myself of the habit: I now chew toothpicks.

We have new Polish dentists in Moffat too, and they seem very good, if a little too busy. You are right about having to organize your life around dental appointments. Many people in Moffat have to go as far as Peebles for dental care, which doesn't seem right.

Still, when you consider that people nowadays can keep their teeth well past their sixties, we're definitely better off. Novacaine, false teeth that fit, bridges that stay in, root canal -- if they can do all that, why can't they just fix it so that there are more dentists?

Kim Ayres said...

Attila - diddle-ing ding ding ding ding ding ding...

Mary - with the forthcoming elections I've decided to vote for anyone who promises to sort out the dental crisis in the NHS

Kanani said...

Oh! I think you could probably get hired out as an extra in the movies!

Kim Ayres said...

Kanani - I tried that (follow this link), but without much success. Still, I had all my teeth at that point...