The blog of photographer and musician, Kim Ayres

Bird in the living room

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It seems the best way to get a bird out of the living room is to let it hurl itself headlong into the window and stun itself.

Twice.

Then you can pick up said bird and take it back out into the garden.

Of course I wasn’t immediately aware of this method. First I had to go through a voyage of discovery and learn birds don’t like you approaching them hands outstretched; living room furniture is not laid out in a way that is conducive to catching birds; you can never find a fishing net when you need one; a bucket doesn’t make a good net; and a bird is not averse to emptying its bowels when frightened.

Note: one flight into the window at full speed will only partially stun it, but not enough to allow you to pick it up before it’s flapped it’s way across the floor and hidden behind the TV. It takes the second crash before you are able to carefully lift the bird without fear of being flapped or pecked.

After half an hour sitting quietly under a bush the bird will recover enough to fly away.

Either that or the neighbour’s cat got it.
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25 comments

Dr Maroon said...

bird in the livingroom, you should be so lucky.

A sitoottery takes a terrible toll on garden birds. Thrushes are the worst with blackbirds second. I've had a PAIR of blackbirds spend the night in there, no doubt battering themselves against the glass all night. Their droppings were purply red presumably from eating berries. Gits.

Kim Ayres said...

I dream of the day we have a house with a sitoottery.

Although if we had one now it would probably get converted into a bedroom for a teenager.

Carole said...

Good times. You make me laugh. In fact you made several people in my house laugh. Great story.

What is a sitoottery?

Kim Ayres said...

It's either a Scottishism or a Maroonism, but you have to say it out loud to appreciate it:

Sit-oot-ery

Somewhere to sit ootside but oot of the rain.

So it could be a sheltered veranda, but as the Doc refers to the glass in his case it's a conservatory.

Or it could be a window seat if you're poor, but the Doc's loaded. He told me.

karatemom said...

OMG what a story ..

I can picture it so clearly..I wish the story came with all the mutterings though .. as I am sure they would have been a hoot!@!!!

Conan Drumm said...

Ah, we have an open sitootery, the birds come and go. But when the roof window is open in my loftoir the swallows drop by at about 100mph. It's the avian equivalent of a fighter bomber slaloming through a high rise city at mach 1.

I was once in a room dizzy with pipistrelles, they never bump into anything. Clever bats.

savannah said...

now that was funny, sugar! i could see the entire event unfolding... ;-) xoxox

Attila The Mom said...

Aiiigghhhh! Bird poop!

Mary Witzl said...

This happened to us too, just last week. I feel so sorry just watching them; they won't let you get near them, and when you try to help, they damn near kill themselves running into the windows in a blind panic.

Our cat is like a bird magnet. Whenever we have one in the house, it's keeping her OFF them that's the trick. I managed to stop her from getting a nut hatch a few days ago. A day later, there were feathers all over the front porch. Sigh.

Z said...

In the greenhouse, you have to get behind them relative to the door. In the house, they come down the chimney. I open one window, draw the curtains over the others and shut the door and leave them to it.

We had a swift once, which I caught and let go out of an upstairs window as they need a lot of room to take off - they can hardly walk and can't fly from the ground; and a pair of swallows another time flew out by themselves. A starling got into the attic, but let me pick it up.

Restaurant Gal said...

Long comment alert:

Recently, my daytime co-worker and noticed a shape scurrying across the carpet in the foyer. We looked at each other, quiet for several seconds, then simultaneously said, "Did you see that?" Which we both thought was a furry brown creature with a tail. Um, yeah. And here we were, guests at tables all around, smack in the middle of the lunch rush. So, being who we both are, we made the busser get a close-up look at the thing. "It's a bird!" he exclaimed. Oh, a bird. Hell, anyone can deal with a bird. Until, of course, a bird flies and flits all over the place inside a restaurant and you are hoping no one notices said bird. My co-worker finally unfoled a huge white tablecloth, and when the tiny bird finally landed on a window ledge, she tossed the cloth over him. I am happy to report not one guest noticed--or if they did, cared at all--this bird. And that it flew free in the wind, just as soon as my co-worker unfolded the mounds of starched white cotton from around its tiny form. Birds on the inside. Good Lord!

Eryl Shields said...

We seem to get an awful lot of bats in our house, we once found a dead one on the stairs and the other day had one flying around the sitting room. We just opened the window and out it went though.

I once had a blue tit in the back porch too, but again it eventually found it's way out the back door.

problemchildbride said...

Maroon, blood in the stool is no joking matter. One can't assume it's diet. Your blackbirds need a colonoscopy to rule out polyps and blackberries.

What type of bird was it, Kim?

Kim Ayres said...

KarateMom - I had to watch my language in front of the kids

Conan Drum - don't even mention the word bats in my house - mice with wings is how my wife views them

Savannah - thank you :)

Attila - fortunately it hit the floor rather than the furnishings

Mary - Have you ever read Terry Pratchett's Discworld series? There are times when your description of your cat reminds me of Greebo, Nanny Ogg's cat.

Z - I had no idea swift's can't fly from the ground. That sounds like a serious disadvantage for escaping predators

Restaurant Gal - I can't imagine no one noticing a bird in our house - not with all the blind panic, tumbling furniture and cursing bearded man scrambling about the place...

Eryl - I think Maggie would quite literally have a heart attack if a bat got into the house and started swooping around

Sam - er, a brown one? I'm afraid my knowledge of birds is limited to Robins, blue tits, male blackbirds and seagulls. Anything else is just a bird. It might have been a female blackbird - it was about that size. I know, I know, I should have taken advantage of it when it was stunned and taken a photo

Z said...

mqyxpI think that they never land on the ground. Their feet are really curved round, so that they are good at clinging on to branches,but they only come down to nest or roost -otherwise, they spend their life flying.

Z said...

I think... it seems I typed the wv in the wrong place!

Kim Ayres said...

Ah, I thought you were going to tell me "mqyxp" was a rare kind of bird blown off course from the South American migration routes

Restaurant Gal said...

marUm, stay tuned for Peacocks at the front door--today's craziness soon to be an RG post.

Kim Ayres said...

Great post RG

debra said...

We regularly host birds in our screened-in porch. They fly madly about, trying to get out through the screens. We try to keep the door open to let the birds out, while dodging their dive-bombing, AND while keeping the cats out. Aerobic and mental exercise!

Kim Ayres said...

Sounds like a Hitchcock movie...

PI said...

You can use the milkman - as I did - not a brilliant idea when dressed in a towel. Or use a tea towel.
The second safer method requires you to gently throw the tea towel over the bird and then pray for deliverance.

Carole I think it's something you sit oot in.

Kim Ayres said...

So you were dressed in a towel when the milkman suggested you throw a towel over the bird?

Hmmmm...

Jonathan Chant said...

This should be a televised sport. Looks like I need a fishing net. The chimney where are birds are nesting leads directly into the bedroom: could be grand entertainment indeed.

Kim Ayres said...

Jonathan - I think you're on to something. You need to pitch this to SkySports immediately! :)

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