Bollocks
Either the last B12 injection was a dud, or whatever’s wrong with me has taken a turn for the worse.
Not only have the bouts of tiredness not lifted to the extent they usually do in the first month following the injection (I have a jab every three months), but several times recently it’s like I’ve been hit in the chest with a bucket load of grief and sadness and despair. And it hurts.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
It can last from a few hours to a few days and leaves me feeling fragile for quite some time afterwards.
There’s a great gaping hole in my chest, which needs to be filled. If I was an alcoholic it would be with alcohol, but my drug of choice was always food. I’ve been controlling that form of self-medication for a while now and know that if I give in, the 100lbs I’ve lost over the past 2 years will pile back on within a matter of months.
Scary as that is, what is even scarier is that I have no idea how much longer I’m going to have to endure this. I’m seeing the doctor again next week, but everything seems to be moving at a painfully slow pace and I don’t know that we’re really much further forward that we were a year ago, when Maggie first pointed out that the levels of tiredness I was experiencing weren’t normal.
I’m in no doubt that the B12 deficiency is a symptom of something else, as are the bouts of depression, but I have no idea what. This isn’t depression like I’ve had in the past, which has been attached to deeper psychological issues. I can be sitting there, minding my own business when wallop, out of the blue I could weep with the pain and hollowness. It doesn’t appear to be attached to anything. It’s not that my life is bad, or I’ve recently lost a loved one - I’ve been there; I know what that’s like and I know there’s a difference with this. This is something physically wrong which is affecting my emotions and mental state, not the other way round.
But unless or until the cause can be found, I will have to keep experiencing these crippling bouts of bleak despair and I don’t know how much of it I can take.
In the end I will have to take whatever I will have to take for the sake of Maggie and the children, but with the physical tiredness too it is so draining.
Not only have the bouts of tiredness not lifted to the extent they usually do in the first month following the injection (I have a jab every three months), but several times recently it’s like I’ve been hit in the chest with a bucket load of grief and sadness and despair. And it hurts.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
It can last from a few hours to a few days and leaves me feeling fragile for quite some time afterwards.
There’s a great gaping hole in my chest, which needs to be filled. If I was an alcoholic it would be with alcohol, but my drug of choice was always food. I’ve been controlling that form of self-medication for a while now and know that if I give in, the 100lbs I’ve lost over the past 2 years will pile back on within a matter of months.
Scary as that is, what is even scarier is that I have no idea how much longer I’m going to have to endure this. I’m seeing the doctor again next week, but everything seems to be moving at a painfully slow pace and I don’t know that we’re really much further forward that we were a year ago, when Maggie first pointed out that the levels of tiredness I was experiencing weren’t normal.
I’m in no doubt that the B12 deficiency is a symptom of something else, as are the bouts of depression, but I have no idea what. This isn’t depression like I’ve had in the past, which has been attached to deeper psychological issues. I can be sitting there, minding my own business when wallop, out of the blue I could weep with the pain and hollowness. It doesn’t appear to be attached to anything. It’s not that my life is bad, or I’ve recently lost a loved one - I’ve been there; I know what that’s like and I know there’s a difference with this. This is something physically wrong which is affecting my emotions and mental state, not the other way round.
But unless or until the cause can be found, I will have to keep experiencing these crippling bouts of bleak despair and I don’t know how much of it I can take.
In the end I will have to take whatever I will have to take for the sake of Maggie and the children, but with the physical tiredness too it is so draining.
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