Wasn't I supposed to be somewhere else?

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Did you ever have the feeling you were supposed to be somewhere else, doing something important, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t remember what it was?

There are times when my entire life feels like that.

We’re all familiar with the feeling of suddenly remembering that we should be somewhere else, where someone is being let down by our absence. That awful tightening in your gut as you become aware that while you have been carrying on in blissful ignorance, your name is being cursed to the nth degree. You leap up, scramble for the phone, or the car keys, in absolute shock that you could have forgotten, while trying to come up with a plausible excuse and failing miserably.

But to get that lurching sensation, yet not know what it is you’re supposed to be doing, means that you don’t even get the blissful ignorance bit.

This emotion I periodically get is far bigger than the time I forgot to pick up my grandmother from the hairdresser; this is a feeling that somehow I chose the wrong life, or am utterly failing to do the one thing I was put on this planet to accomplish.

I can picture with intense clarity, lying on my deathbed and suddenly realising what it was I was supposed to do with my life, but only having enough time left to mutter, “Oh crap.”

It’s like I’m on a mission from God… but the stupid bugger forgot to tell me what it was.