Harry Potter and the Prisoner of the Odeon Cinema Automated Telephone Enquiry Line
A trip up to the Central Belt of Scotland is always a good excuse to go to the cinema, as the nearest one, in Dumfries, is so dire that I have sworn never to go back. Consequently I only get to visit the cinema if we go to a different part of the country.
Cineworld in Falkirk is a multiplex that I used to go to before we moved, so as we were going up that way for the day on Friday, and as the new Harry Potter film was out, which my 10 year old son was desperate to see, it seemed like a good tie-in. I checked the Cineworld website and we timed the rest of the day around the fact that there was a 12.50pm showing every day this week except Thursday. However, when we arrived at 12.45pm, the cinema was closed. We eventually found a wee sign that said that it didn’t open until 2pm from Monday to Friday, so the first showing we could attend wouldn’t be until 3pm.
I could have coped with waiting another hour, but two hours would have thrown the whole day’s timetable out, so I phoned the Dunfermline Odeon cinema (a little over half an hour away) and got put onto their automated telephone enquiry line.
Now my mobile phone service plan gives me 500 free minutes per month, but this does not include non-geographic numbers (beginning with 0845, 0870 etc), which are charged as extra. The Odeon Enquiry Line is one of these.
As well as making money from the actual phone call, Odeon also save money by having an automated service instead of a call operator. So instead of a 20 second call through to someone who can tell me what time the next Harry Potter showing was, I had to go through several minutes of unnecessary, time-wasting preamble, options and confirmations.
First I had to put up with their welcome message where they spent 30 seconds telling me why they are fanatical about film and customer service, then I was asked to say the name of the cinema I wish to enquire about.
“Dunfermline” I sighed. I really hate these systems.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…Dumfries?”
“No!”
“Please state the name of the cinema you wish to enquire about”
“Dunfermline” I said as clearly as possible.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…Dunfermline?”
“YES!”
“Please wait while we connect you to …Dunfermline.”
Pause
It then proceeded to tell me all about the fact that I could buy gift vouchers for friends and family as an ideal Xmas present. When it finished there was a long pause, and just when I was beginning to think that the system was about to crash, or that I’d been disconnected and would have to start again, it said “Would you like to hear more?”
“Yes!” I said, thinking that if I’d answered no the call would come to an abrupt end. However, it turned out that I’d just said yes to hearing more about the gift vouchers! For the next 2 minutes I was yelling, “Stop! No! Cease! Finish! No! Stop! I don’t want to hear about your bloody voucher scheme! Stop!” while it blathered on, oblivious to my protestations, all the time running up my phone bill.
Eventually it completed its advert-at-my-expense before moving on to all the options of whether I was wanting to enquire about corporate offers, competitions, particular films, employment opportunities or showing times. Once I’d selected the right option it then proceeded to tell me a bit about the film “Doom” before asking if I was interested in seeing it.
“NO!” I yelled into the handset.
“Please speak the name of the film you wish to see…”
“HARRY POTTER!” I screech.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…In Her Shoes?”
“NO!” I shouted, going red in the face.
“Please speak the name of the film you wish to see…”
“Harry Potter!” I was trying to un-constrict my throat so that my voice would be understood, but by now my son had tears rolling down his cheeks – not because he feared he wouldn’t see the film, but because he thought this was hysterically funny.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…Harry Potter?”
“Yes,” I sobbed with relief, hoping that I was finally getting somewhere.
I was then subjected to another 45-second ramble about the fact that it was a 12A certificate where some scenes may be unsuitable for younger children, before I was asked if I would like more details on the nature of the film.
A quick “No!” and I was into the final stretch. I was informed that there were a further eleven showings of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and that I could book tickets over the phone if I wished – as if I was going to waste another half an hour of frustration doing that!
Finally it started listing all the show times and I discovered there was one at 2pm, so I disconnected and we set off.
Total time taken for what should have been a 20 second call: 7 minutes.
However, I blame Cineworld (which from experience I know has just as an annoying enquiry line) for subjecting me to all this by not being open when it should have been. So this morning I sent them a very snotty e-mail about setting up their customers with false promises. If I get a reply I’ll post it here.
Cineworld in Falkirk is a multiplex that I used to go to before we moved, so as we were going up that way for the day on Friday, and as the new Harry Potter film was out, which my 10 year old son was desperate to see, it seemed like a good tie-in. I checked the Cineworld website and we timed the rest of the day around the fact that there was a 12.50pm showing every day this week except Thursday. However, when we arrived at 12.45pm, the cinema was closed. We eventually found a wee sign that said that it didn’t open until 2pm from Monday to Friday, so the first showing we could attend wouldn’t be until 3pm.
I could have coped with waiting another hour, but two hours would have thrown the whole day’s timetable out, so I phoned the Dunfermline Odeon cinema (a little over half an hour away) and got put onto their automated telephone enquiry line.
Now my mobile phone service plan gives me 500 free minutes per month, but this does not include non-geographic numbers (beginning with 0845, 0870 etc), which are charged as extra. The Odeon Enquiry Line is one of these.
As well as making money from the actual phone call, Odeon also save money by having an automated service instead of a call operator. So instead of a 20 second call through to someone who can tell me what time the next Harry Potter showing was, I had to go through several minutes of unnecessary, time-wasting preamble, options and confirmations.
First I had to put up with their welcome message where they spent 30 seconds telling me why they are fanatical about film and customer service, then I was asked to say the name of the cinema I wish to enquire about.
“Dunfermline” I sighed. I really hate these systems.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…Dumfries?”
“No!”
“Please state the name of the cinema you wish to enquire about”
“Dunfermline” I said as clearly as possible.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…Dunfermline?”
“YES!”
“Please wait while we connect you to …Dunfermline.”
Pause
It then proceeded to tell me all about the fact that I could buy gift vouchers for friends and family as an ideal Xmas present. When it finished there was a long pause, and just when I was beginning to think that the system was about to crash, or that I’d been disconnected and would have to start again, it said “Would you like to hear more?”
“Yes!” I said, thinking that if I’d answered no the call would come to an abrupt end. However, it turned out that I’d just said yes to hearing more about the gift vouchers! For the next 2 minutes I was yelling, “Stop! No! Cease! Finish! No! Stop! I don’t want to hear about your bloody voucher scheme! Stop!” while it blathered on, oblivious to my protestations, all the time running up my phone bill.
Eventually it completed its advert-at-my-expense before moving on to all the options of whether I was wanting to enquire about corporate offers, competitions, particular films, employment opportunities or showing times. Once I’d selected the right option it then proceeded to tell me a bit about the film “Doom” before asking if I was interested in seeing it.
“NO!” I yelled into the handset.
“Please speak the name of the film you wish to see…”
“HARRY POTTER!” I screech.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…In Her Shoes?”
“NO!” I shouted, going red in the face.
“Please speak the name of the film you wish to see…”
“Harry Potter!” I was trying to un-constrict my throat so that my voice would be understood, but by now my son had tears rolling down his cheeks – not because he feared he wouldn’t see the film, but because he thought this was hysterically funny.
“Did you say…” pause for a couple of seconds, “…Harry Potter?”
“Yes,” I sobbed with relief, hoping that I was finally getting somewhere.
I was then subjected to another 45-second ramble about the fact that it was a 12A certificate where some scenes may be unsuitable for younger children, before I was asked if I would like more details on the nature of the film.
A quick “No!” and I was into the final stretch. I was informed that there were a further eleven showings of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and that I could book tickets over the phone if I wished – as if I was going to waste another half an hour of frustration doing that!
Finally it started listing all the show times and I discovered there was one at 2pm, so I disconnected and we set off.
Total time taken for what should have been a 20 second call: 7 minutes.
However, I blame Cineworld (which from experience I know has just as an annoying enquiry line) for subjecting me to all this by not being open when it should have been. So this morning I sent them a very snotty e-mail about setting up their customers with false promises. If I get a reply I’ll post it here.
Post a Comment