Sunday, September 08, 2013

A Rogan Shaped Gap...

Taking my son, Rogan, off to University yesterday was full of mixed emotions.

We are immensely proud of him: he's going to study physics at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh. Our hearts also ache at him flying the nest. For 18 years we have raised him from a tiny, helpless baby - I can still remember holding him in the hospital for the first time - through to a strapping adult with a 7-inch Mohawk and a laid back self assurance.


Rogan holding a flash unit, while I operated it remotely from my camera

He'll be back during the breaks, no doubt with a semester's worth of dirty laundry, but it will be on different terms. At the moment, we have never been apart from him for more than 7 consecutive days since he was born, and that was for a school skiing trip a few years ago. Not just physically, but psychologically he will make that separation over the next few months as he learns to live independently from us.

Of course this is what we have been working towards. The role of parents is to try and raise the child to a point where they can leave home and be unlikely to end up killed by their own ignorance or stupidity. And I think he's off to a good start. He's bright, sociable, and has a warm heart. And he's certainly a great deal more together than either his mother or I were at his age.

I would be lying if I said there wasn't more than a touch of wistful envy too. he's heading off to a place full of potential, with interesting people to meet and experiences ahead, at a time when he doesn't have the responsibilities of housing, car repayments or dependants. Although he will be saddled with tens of thousands of pounds of student loan debts by the time he leaves.

For him, we are excited and pleased. But for us... well, there's a great big Rogan-shaped hole in the house and our hearts just at the moment.

9 comments:

hope said...

I know it's difficult at the moment, but as parents you've equipped him with all he needs. I can't wait to see what he does with all that intelligence, humor and heartwarming smile. :)

(In the meantime, hug the wife more often...it'll probably help both of you).

maurcheen said...

Just think of all the pressies he's gonna bring on each return home! OK, maybe not! :¬)

angryparsnip said...

When your children leave it is hard. Like you said when he gets back he will be different but he will always be your son.

cheers, parsnip

Hindsfeet said...

Oh Kim....no words....just sending a big warm squeeze to you and your wife and Meg.....my heart aches for you all at this reading...those 'ending/beginnings'are so very hard on the heart....

well done though, Kim....in the middle of that big deep ache, how proud you can be of this wonderful human being your son has become and continues to become, as a direct result of being incubated in such a deep love.....

all the best, always, to you and yours....
Liz~*

allencapoferri said...

I sure can relate to this post and what your going through. And congratulations to Rogan!

Kim Ayres said...

Thanks Hope, Maurcheen, Parsnip, Liz and Allen for your kind and supportive words. Eventually we'll get used to him not being around, but at the moment it still feels very strange

Eryl said...

Sniff...

LL Cool Joe said...

I'm dreading this moment. My 19 year old daughter retook her school year, but really she should have been leaving for Uni now too. I feel I've been given an extra year of bonding with her, and I'm trying to make the most of it.

Kim Ayres said...

LL Cool Joe - aye, make the most of it while she's with you. Back during the summer, Rogan and I went on a wee road trip together, visiting a few friends and relatives. I'm really glad we had that time together