Saturday, July 14, 2007

Can I really believe that no one along the line said, "stop, this is wrong"?

“But Dad…”

“No, listen. If we went to watch the new Harry Potter film and Harry and Ron had enormous breasts, but nothing about it was ever mentioned, explained or alluded to, how easily would you be able to suspend your disbelief?”

“But…”

“All the way through you would just be thinking ‘this is soooo wrong.’”

“But Dad…”

“What if James Bond was walking around brandishing a Walther PPK and a 38DD cup?”

“Dad…”

“Or if Enter the Dragon had starred a Ladyboy from Thailand?”

“But Dad, it’s just a computer animated film.”

“I don’t care. I can just about cope with the overbearing sentimentalism, dodgy racial stereotyping, poor characterisation, unfunny jokes and plot holes big enough to lose continents in, but MALE COWS DO NOT HAVE UDDERS!!!”

“Lighten up Dad, I bought Barnyard out of my own money. You don’t have to watch it again.”

33 comments:

savannah said...

sit down and have a cup of tea, sugar....it will be ok.

Sayre said...

I kept saying that too, but no one would listen... perhaps our bull has been to Sweden?

Archie said...

I got so busted for this in college. I thought it would be cool to be a cow for Halloween. "You're a girl cow, not a bull." Oops...

ADW said...

Ha, ha. I was a cow for halloween once too. I filled my squirting udders with vodka - good times.

And - being the great observer, I completely missed the fact that the bull had udders. *DOH*

Monstee said...

Calm down Kim,

...don't have a cow.

(Ba dump BAH!)

Kim Ayres said...

Savannah - I guess the tea will help wash away the foam at my mouth

Sayre - the only redeeming feature of this film was it's the first one I've ever seen where step-fathers weren't bad guys. But that's a whole different blog post.

Archie - dressed as an animal and in drag! There's no holding you back :)

ADW - I filled my squirting udders with vodka now there's an image that will still bring a smile to my face when I'm in an old folks home.

Monstee - I can hear the studio audience laughing from here

Mary Witzl said...

Greetings, Brother Stickler.

I had a friend who used to get incensed watching westerns that featured Native Americans who were supposed to be Apache, say, but were obviously speaking Cherokee or Lakota. I knew another woman who greatly objected to the Korean used on the t.v. program M.A.S.H.: it wasn't authentic, and sometimes it was not appropriate for the gender or age of the speaker. I myself go wild if I hear the subjective 'I' being used in place of the objective 'me' on television or in the movies. Bad enough that in speech no one distinguishes anymore...

We ought to form a club: "The Sticklers." We could give lectures to each other on why these small points are really very important. We might not change the world but we would all feel a lot better.

Carole said...

The good part of having grown children and only one grandchild, who as yet does not watch movies, is that I don't have to watch animated videos. It does seem odd that you are concerned about udders on bulls and not the fact that all the animals speak humanese. Now I have to rent the video, watch it, so I can also be incensed.

angie said...

a friend and i just had a HUGE argument about transformers . . . three words: suspension of disbelief.

savannah said...

i love this...the comments here are as funny as the post! especially, "the sticklers club" thanks for making me smile ya'll! btw sugar, i had to go to imdb.com to find see what the movie was about!

Kim Ayres said...

Mary - my mother was an English teacher before she had kids and would froth at the mouth and scream at the TV any time someone said they had 2 choices, when what the meant was they had 1 choice with 2 options.

Carole - there's a long history of stories where animals can speak, but much less where every male cow has udders. I could have coped if it had been raising the issue of transgenderisation (if that's a word), but this was just poorly thought through.

Angie - My son wants to drag me to the cinema to see that after we saw a trailer for it when we went to watch the not-up-to-standard Shrek 3 a few weeks ago.

Savannah - that's why I put the links in the post :)

Z said...

Maybe that is the reason they called him 'Otis the Cow'. Like the original Fantasia, where there was much boardroom discussion as to whether the mermaids should have nipples or not, it could be that the question was not so much whether the character should have an udder as what else it should have. Bulls are quite well endowed, but a large and dangly pair of bollocks could have been felt inappropriate in a family film. Making it hermaphrodite might have been considered the comparatively tactful option?

Z said...

Mind you, there was not much else but nipples they could have put in Fantasia. Ignore that bit. I meant, it was probably discussed.

*goes to get out more*

PI said...

Sounds like a 'must see!' Not!

BStrong said...

Harry Potter has enormous breasts?

Mary Witzl said...

There you go -- my mother was an English teacher too! Small wonder we have these obsessions. I will be careful with my choices/options use from now on.

I enjoyed Z's comment about why a cartoon bull might have been given udders. A full udder is obviously seen as being more seemly than a pair of humongous testicles.

If you ever see the animation of Hayao Miyazaki -- and I greatly recommend that you do -- he often puts balls on male animals, and I find this a breath of fresh air.

Nikki said...

LOL. I took my daughter to see that, and I was also blown away by the anitomically incorrect bulls. Along with the whole "Udder" fiasco, I had a hard time coming to terms with the "Cows with thumbs" concept.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Ok - that's hilarious. I cannot tell you how many times I've thought the same thing - although it's usually in reference to some blond on the cover of a magazine.

The Hangar Queen said...

Kim,
I just want to say.....Oh..never mind.

Brave Astronaut said...

"I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me." - Jack Byrnes (Robert DeNiro) in "Meet the Parents"

A tangent of this was a topic of our lunch conversation today, the idea that movies today are less about character and more about "blowing things up." I arrived late for the conversation and hope that ADR will address this in his blog.

I will admit to a perverse pleasure at picking out inaccuracies in movies, but you really just have to suspend reality for the time you are there.

I mean a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence?" Really.

sarah said...

THANK YOU.. i've went this far thinking that i was the only person that "that" bothered.

Jeff said...

Kim

Hmm...Harry Potter, James Bond and a Cow all in the same post. Only in Scotland. I think I can still watch all 3.

Hey I have passed on award to you over at the tales.

Peace

Binty McShae said...

Tag! You're it!

Yes, it's bloody meme time again. Check out my July 17th post...

Kim Ayres said...

Z - I was going to answer you, but you did it for me

Pat - absolutely!

BStrong - didn't you know? It's the surprise twist at the end of the final novel

Mary - is that complete bull?

Nikki - I must admit to being surprised that old Ben wasn't playing slide guitar with his hooves

OG Claudia - blondes have udders?

Hangar Queen - you know... oh...

Brave Astronaut - I'm usually pretty good at ignoring these things. I mean, I sat through the whole of "Bug's Life" without once mentioning the fact that all the ants were missing 2 legs each. But I think it was the fact that the rest of Barnyard was so crap I couldn't forgive it.

Sarah - great minds, and all that.

Jeff & Binty - tagged twice in one post, and for different memes? I'm going to have to think about this one...

Amy said...

This reminds me of when my daughter Emma asked me why I didn't like Barbie dolls. After I gave her a long lecture on gender, oppression, the beauty myth, and women's rights, she gave me a worried look and said, "Mom, she's just a doll."

Kim Ayres said...

Amy - did you ever read my entry about Barbie?

Kanani said...

Ha!
Ah well, this soon will pass....

Amy said...

Kim - I have been there more than once! Luckily since we live in a university town most of the faculty parents are so looney (including me) that objecting to Barbie is on par with other bizarre anti-social behavior. We now are beseiged by Bratz dolls which, believe me, make me long for the quaint days of Barbie. These dolls look like 15 year-olds who have been clubbing all night and have enjoyed some xtc right before you purchased them. My daughter convinced a sitter--who was back at home for the summer--to gift one to her for her birthday. Instead of throwing a fit, as Emma expected, I made her write a thank you note and ignored the doll. Somehow she is not as appealing to E. now that she has been domesticated in our home. Plus, Joe jammed her head in a door (oops).

morg said...

I must add that watching this children's film with actual children may prove to be dangerous. I was watching it tonight with my sleepy and grumpy 2-year-old. He was quite put out that daddy was laughing, because of course the bovines ( I ain't touching the cow/bull/ hermaphrodite thing)weren't saying anything that he thought was funny. Daddy must have been laughing at him, so daddy got clouted. Then a moth landed on daddy, and since Gabe knows them to be viscious carnivorous bloodthirsty monsters the gloves came off with the mother of all clouts. I am not asking if the piece of steak I have pressed to my eye right now had an udder or not...

Kim Ayres said...

Kanani - untilthe bring out the sequel...

Amy - Ah yes, Bratz. I ran into them big time when I was looking for a birthday gift for Meg. I wrote about it here.

Morg - oh the power of a 2 year old - no sense of holding back. I'm sure I still carry a few scars from Rogan's younger days in particular.

Attila The Mom said...

Hehehe. Smart kid.

Chris Black said...

As for the Harry Potter, it depends what version you see.

Try...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=9onI92OxBHY&mode=related&search=

Kim Ayres said...

Haha, yes I have seen that one, Chris :)