Monday, January 08, 2007

Guns don't kill people - chocolate does.

“Guns don’t kill people - people kill people” is the rallying cry of the National Rifle Association of America.

At 4 o’clock this morning while I was lying in bed, dripping in sweat as my screwed up metabolism, which usually leaves me slow and sluggish when I really need it, decided that the middle of the night was a really good time to boost my energy levels, I was pondering an analogous situation with regard to food and the recent gluttonous season. “Chocolate doesn’t make you fat – eating chocolate makes you fat” could be one way of putting it, implying, as does the gun statement, that you cannot blame the object of desire, only the person who implements the action.

Of course, if you’re emotionally vulnerable, it’s much easier to kill people if you have guns. And it’s much easier to eat chocolate if it’s in the house.

Especially if it’s left over from Feastmas and with all the decorations now removed it should be disposed of.

And because of your upbringing you have a problem with the idea of throwing food away.

And your sugar levels are all over the place after a fortnight of excessively indulgent eating patterns.

And the kids don’t go back to school until tomorrow so officially it’s still the holidays.

And it’s in the same room as you.

And it keeps calling out in a soft and seductive voice, “eat me, eat me, eat me…”

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. That is exactly what I go through with throwing food out. I can't, but I have to get rid of it. So I become the trash bin because I figure that at least it won't be there any longer to tempt me, not realising that it had won.

Dr Maroon said...

FLG is right! Eat the bastard, that'll show it who's boss.

Anonymous said...

Go on - eat it! Then it will be silent.

Anonymous said...

I am going round the house eating all the chocolate I can find!! i must stop!!

You wrote some words on another blog (quinn's) that really helped me. I just wanted to stop by and say thanks.

quinn said...

LMAO..and so ...tell us ...did you in fact eat the chocolate ?!!!

Cause if it's still there I want some too.

Kim Ayres said...

FLG - Given that consuming all the left over food/chocolate will make us feel sick, be bad for our digestion and make us put on weight, we should be viewing it as poison and throwing it rather than ingesting it.

If we had a bottle of laxatives that were nearing the use-by date, we wouldn't be so tempted to finish it off all in one go, would we?

What we really need is a charitable organisation we can go and drop off excess food stuffs to so we can assuage the guilt.

Dr Maroon - I did, and it is

Kats - actually it was pretty noisy last night, growling away in my belly

CG - welcome to my ramblings. If anyone gains anything beyond a headache from something I've written then that's a bonus to feel good about. Thank you :)

Quinn - of course I did. The worrying thing is I know there's more lurking about.

quinn said...

MORE!!! haha..

You know they say you should satisfy a craving rather than refuse yourself. If you refuse yourself you are more apt to over indulge and that is worse.

I have been enjoying more treats than usual here too but I am happy to say I can still fit in my size 14's ...however, I have noticed I am getting a bit of a "muffin" top!!!!
Yikes, might be time for another LTA challenge.

Anonymous said...

I have a huge amount of Mars Bar Rice Krispie cake (with Dairy Milk topping) to get through before I can consider the house cleansed and begin my normal eating patterns.

PI said...

It has to be done and last night I finished the last of the chocolate liqueurs so now I just have the normal four squares of dark chocolate per night which is essential for happiness etc.

cabronsito said...

"...left over from Feastmas..."
You´re a lucky man, Kim!
Well, I remember the chocolate-traditions in Europe; especially when a year comes to its end.
Now here in Mexico in my cave I really have a problem to get some good quality of this....this...did you call it food??!

Anyway, mayby I´m the lucky guy?
Crying sweet bitter tears when I - my favorite chocolatekilling position - lay down on my bed to read a book. Having no brown, no white, no crispy, not even hot chocolate.

What can I do?
Choose the right book, I guess.
A book about people with guns. Lots of guns. Using them.

Open Grove Claudia said...

I remind myself that chocolate produces an endorphin response similar to most poisons.... It helps, but then I've never had that chocolate pull. Coffee? Absolutely. A nice Nicaraguan macchiato? I'd kill for that.

(In fact, I got hooked on Nicaraguan coffee in the middle of that nasty bit in the 1980s and haven't given it up yet.)

Christina and Vincent said...

I hear you! Try living in Asutria where the Milak chocolate basically screams your name as you walk along the street, and the Lind chocolate balls look like orphans in the grocery stores... I love chocolate, oh i do.

Kim Ayres said...

Quinn - but if your craving is destructive, then it's not always the best option to give in to it

Kav - Mars Bar Rice Krispie Cake... arrgle, slobber... you bastard.

Pi - It would take some serious training to stop at 4, but I can see the benefits

Cabronsito - time to buy yourself a chocolate cook book I think. Besides, isn't Mexico one of the homes of Chocolate, or is that further south?

Claudia - ah, coffee. I wrote about that in a post called "For the love of coffee"

Christina - sometimes it feels like we're doomed before we start

cabronsito said...

You´re absolutely right about Mexico as a chocolate-producing country.
But like many, many products here the best goes to exportation.
And chocolate for eating ... at least around my cave almost doesn´t exist.

rebecca said...

I wish I had Mexican chocolate. Then maybe I wouldn't understand when it called to me.

My solution to not throwing away food is putting it into little tupperware containers in the fridge until it develops into a new life form capable of walking itself to the trash. I have several in various stages of incubation right now. Barring that, I make Marco throw it out.

Anonymous said...

Oh hell, I agree with Kats, just eat it you fool. You know you want it, that chocolaty creamy succulent morsel of goodness teasing your lips, tempting your taste buds with its smooth dark coating and creamy insides.

Oops, got to go bye.

Anonymous said...

Kill them all. I love the smell of chocolate in the morning . . .

Anonymous said...

Actually, it is lemon slice, not chocolate, although it is a close second.

Kim Ayres said...

Cabronsito - with your references to your cave, you might need to explain your situation a little more clearly - I couldn't find anything on your blog about your circumstances

Rebecca - I think the call of the chocolate is universal and taps into a primeval part of our brain

BStrong - thanks for the support and understanding...

Bock - nicely referenced

Jo - lemon slice? It's easy to forget the variety of the human species. I mean, my brother-in-law is one of those weird people who can open a box of chocolates, just eat one and put the box away for another day.

Attila The Mom said...

I dunno, I think I'd have a hard time eating something that was calling out to me! ;-)

happykat said...

Spoken like a true chocoholic.


OH, and that other crap about guns not killing people is just semantics....a.k.a. horseshit!

Anonymous said...

Go for it! Chocolate is good for you! Or at least it tastes good!

Kim Ayres said...

Atilla - There are several dark and rather blue responses I can think of to that, but I have a sneaking suspicion that my son occasionally reads this blog round at his friend's house so I won't post them

HappyKat - My name is Kim and I am... a chocoholic...

It's soooo true.

Stinkypaw - welcome to my ramblings and thank you for taking the time to comment.

The problem is that it tastes too good and once I start I can't stop until I feel sick.

You can, in fact, have too much of a good thing.