Tripped up again - and Episode 58 of Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres

One of the problems of doing the podcast in the evening, is there are too many opportunities during the day for draining what precious energy I have, and thereby not leaving me enough for optimum performance in front of the webcam.

Living with ME/CFS means the amount of alert-brain time I have is much more limited, and if I use it up too early then that's it gone until I have had sufficient time to recover enough for the next task.

Imagine, for a moment, that instead of being able to turn on a tap to fill a glass with water, all that comes out is a slow drip. If you want a satisfying drink, your only option is to place your glass under the drips and leave it long enough to fill up. Across the course of the day, if you remain relatively inactive, you will have just about enough water to function, but still be short of an amount to do all the things you used to be able to do.

And if you over exert yourself, get too thirsty, and drink before the cup is full, it might take the edge off for the moment, but probably not, and it will be that much longer before you will be able to be sated.

After a while, you would end up being very careful of your activities, and avoid getting involved in anything that was likely to make you more thirsty. 

So if you knew something important was coming up, you would be especially careful for the period of time before, to ensure you had just enough.

OK, this is just an analogy, but it's not a bad one when it comes to trying to explain what it's like having a limited amount of energy, the length of time it takes to recover when it's used up, and how you have to start managing your day.

While physical exertion will certainly wear me out, the other big one is stress. If my fight-or-flight mechanism is triggered, or I get angry, frustrated, or outraged, then the energy drains out of me at an alarming rate, leaving me in a state of exhaustion.

Knowing, then, that the podcast is typically going to be an hour and a half of high-energy, focused talking, teaching, and problem solving, I try and keep my Tuesdays as calm and stress-free as possible.

But there are still times when I get tripped up – hijacked by something I saw on social media that got my blood boiling, or a telephone call/email/call at the door that demanded my attention and action. Precious energy is used up too quickly, too early.

Or sometimes I just fail to hold back a tide of overwhelm.

And then I go into the podcast without enough to deliver the performance at the level I want, expect, and need if I'm to keep people coming back week after week.

I fear that last night it felt more like I was telling people off for what they had or hadn't done with their photos, rather than acknowledging their starting point and encouraging them to move forward.

I caught myself a few times and then tried to shift that emphasis, but it's harder to recognise when you're tired.

I have no idea how much anyone notices from the outside these internal battles I have while presenting the podcast each week. 

But I apologise to anyone who felt I was finger-wagging at them last night...

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0:00 - Welcome, what's coming up, greetings and comments
6:30 - Creating a lightsaber effect in Photoshop
28:36 - Introduction to the Critique section of the podcast
30:20 - Critique of images submitted to the Facebook Group, "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres"
48:30 - The problem of images degrading, the more we edit them
1:06:10 - Whenever you edit a photo, always save a copy of the original
1:12:30 - How to create a sense of depth and distance in photos
1:26:25 - Coming up next week
1:27:30 - End

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