A Calm Serenity - and Understanding Photography With Kim Ayres – Episode 20

I've slowly become aware there's a point in the week where a sort of serene calmness descends upon me.

It's noticeable, because serenity isn't one of those words I would use usually associate with myself, and certainly since Lockdown the struggles with Depression, Anxiety and the ME/CFS have all become heightened.

And yet, late on Tuesday evenings I find I'm feeling good, even though most of the day will have been filled with quite a high level of anxiety-inducing preparations for the podcast.

This usually carries me through Wednesday too, despite the more hectic nature of the day as I write a blog post, upload the podcast recording to YouTube and work out all the tags and blurb to go with it, embed it in the blog, announce it and link to the blog from Instagram and Twitter and Facebook, and rewrite the blog for LinkedIn, and announce it and share it in LinkedIn groups. And sometimes I create an extra “bite-size” edit from the podcast, where I take a stand-alone section which could be useful for budding photographers who don't have the time to watch the full 90 minute episode.

Thursdays, it has to be said, are usually a write-off. My energy has gone and that calm serenity with it.

However, as I finish the live podcast, have a quick debrief with Maggie and then settle down with a cup of tea to start editing and rendering the video ready for YouTube, I find I'm often feeling at peace with myself.

It hasn't been like this from the beginning: in the earlier episodes I was too obsessed with everything that had gone wrong.

But 20 weeks in and these things bother me less.

Partly this is because I've now made so many mistakes and the world hasn't ended, that I've managed to mentally downgrade their importance.

I think the big thing though, is I'm now getting more feedback from people who seem to be genuinely enjoying, and benefitting from the podcasts.

The past few weeks I've been getting more live comments, and that instant connection breaks past the barrier of me sitting in a room on my own talking into a webcam. And then I've also been getting a few more messages from people afterwards letting me know how useful they found it.

This helps to counteract my fear that the whole thing is just perceived as an over-inflated, self-indulgent ego-trip and nothing more than a cringe-worthy act of showing off.

OK, I'm not going to deny there is an attention-seeking aspect to my personality, but actually what I love more than anything is to feel useful – to feel that something I'm doing is having a positive effect – to know that someone else feels their life has been improved on some level, however small, because of something I've done.

When I was younger, I think I would probably have most aligned myself with the idea, "do what thou wilt, but harm none."

I think as sentiments go, it not a bad starting point. Don't harm others, and so long as that's the case it shouldn't really matter what else you get up to.

But as I've got older, I've realised my mental health is always much improved when I cross the barrier from trying not to harm anyone else, to actively helping others feel better about themselves.

My whole photography business has been built around the idea of helping to improve people's self esteem. I don't just take the photo they need, but one where they feel they look good.

Unfortunately, Lockdown has massively limited my ability to do this.

But I realised the other day, while chatting with Maggie, the podcasts are starting to fill this space.

Each week I give away as much knowledge and insight into photography as I can, so those who are seeking to improve their understanding and skills feel they can do so in a safe environment. There are no “stupid” questions, and there are no humiliating put-downs.

Feeling that I'm actually helping some people, and getting more feedback that reinforces this sense, is leading to these lovely moments of calm serenity.

And for a few hours at least, the demons are silenced.

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0:00 - What's coming up
2:23 - Creating a promotional photo for "Macmath: The Silent Page"
11:00 - Editing the photo
27:00 - Critique of images submitted to the Facebook Group, "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres"
1:06:40 - Photographing bands in pub gigs
1:23:50 - Coming up next weekk


If you found this interesting/useful/entertaining, then please consider supporting these podcasts and blog posts via buymeacoffee.com/kimayres

Also consider subscribing to my YouTube channel - https://www.youtube.com/kimayres – to help me build the numbers.

And, or course, if you would like to submit a photo for feedback, or just ask a photography related question, then do join my Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres Facebook group and I will put it into the following podcast:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/240842990388815/