Nearly 3 years, over 50,000 visits and more than 360 posts since I began blogging, I find I’m struggling more than I ever have to write something worth reading.
I must admit I don’t visit as many blogs as frequently, the number of visitors to my ramblings has halved over the past year and several of my favourite bloggers have either stopped, become very sporadic or are on some kind of indefinite sabbatical.
Blogging is a strange activity. We begin with some idea of what we want out of it – perhaps to practice our writing skills, meet new people, dream of being discovered and offered a book deal, but then it becomes all too easy to fall into chit-chat between pals.
There’s no doubt I’ve made some extraordinarily wonderful friends and for them it becomes easy to write, “My son’s doing this, my wife’s doing that, isn’t the weather grim for the time of year, did you see that programme on TV last night…” etc. But it’s not the way I like to blog.
What I really love is to find a story, a conversation snippet, a window, a snapshot, a chuckle, a sudden moment of insight into the human condition. In other words, some kind of pay off for the reader.
I don’t take it for granted anyone reads this blog, in fact I can feel pitifully grateful. So if anyone is prepared to invest the time in reading what I have written, I feel they deserve at least some kind of reward for having done so. Otherwise I’ve just wasted several moments of their life.
Without doubt the bloggers I return to again and again, the ones I visit every day desperately hoping there’s something more from them, are the storytellers – Mary, Restaurant Gal, Sam, Pat and the like. When I read them I feel I have gained from doing so.
And this is what I aspire to do with these Ramblings.
But whether I’m blogged out or, as I suspect is more likely, with the CFS getting steadily worse my mind isn’t always as clear as it was, I’m aware it’s increasingly difficult to find the story, the insight, the payoff to create worthwhile blog posts.
Even this post, I’m not entirely sure what I’m trying to get across. Is it an apology or an explanation for why the quantity and perhaps quality of my posts is faltering (in which case, so much for the old adage never explain, never apologise)? But to whom? If it is for the reader, then this too is just chit-chat.
Upon reflection, this one’s just for me. I feel the need to write down what’s happening to me, whether anyone reads it or not.