The blog of photographer and musician, Kim Ayres

Marking my territory

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I was watching this documentary the other day about animals marking their territory with urine. It seemed like a good idea to me so I’ve started pissing up against the door each time I leave the house to ward off potential burglars.

As we haven’t been burgled since I started doing this, I figured this might be a good way to stop car thieves too, so now I leave my mark on the car after locking it. In fact I appear to be moving towards a Pavlovian Response state whereby I start needing the loo every time I hear the beeps of someone pressing their key fob.

However, Maggie seems to have drawn the line at me urinating on her leg before she leaves the house.

Possessive?

Moi?



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31 comments

Anna van Schurman said...

So that's what my father was doing. I always thought he just drank too much and couldn't make it all the way into the house to use the toilet. This explains everything.

karatemom said...

hahahaha great post!! you made my day.

PI said...

You are a card! It always seemed odd to me that really posh folk - the Raj- would pee in the garden after a dinner party. Not the same as the folk who pee on the garden for compost. It's so easy for men. Deep sigh!

Fat Lazy Guy said...

Haha. My experience with that is the same as Anna Van Schurman's. Now I know better ;)

Carole said...

You always crack me up. Well not always, like when you write heartwrenching posts I don't laugh, but mostly I think, "Where in the world does he come up with this stuff."

Kim Ayres said...

Anna - alcohol has been known to impede the understanding of the male territorial boundaries. Occasionally this can result in excessively drunk men leaving their scent in the wardrobe...

KarateMom - :)

Pat - they're probably waiting for the boy to come round with the pail.

FLG - As Pat says, it's good for the compost heap if you can think clearly enough to redirect your flow.

Carole - welcome back :)

Unfortunately I have no idea where this stuff comes from. But I have noticed it comes more easily when I'm in a playful mood.

Tom said...

You had to know that someone would bring up scat, so we might as well get it over with. Your family is just lucky you don't choose to mark your territory as the coyote's do.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

But what about rising damp? And sinking damp? Think of your foundations, man!

angie said...

haha! here in texas, if you live on any property favored by deer, "marking" your territory is always a good idea . . . i have a friend whose husband and boys have made it a season rite of passage! =)

jotcr2 said...

A fair call from Maggie.

Eryl Shields said...

As long as you don't use this method when you want to bags the last piece of pie.

Kim Ayres said...

Tom - I'm pretty certain it's what my kids were doing until we had them potty trained...

Sam - In all the rain we get in Scotland, I don't think a bladder a day will make much difference to be honest

Angie - I can't access your blog from your profile, but I'm sure I remember you having one

Jo - you think so?

Eryl - *cheesy grin*

Dr Maroon said...

You won't mind that I've pissed in your gasoline then?

Charlie said...

I've found that marking your territory is a side effect of certain medications. I take a new one to counteract the marking, but now I hump people's legs.

Mary Witzl said...

You can laugh, but we've been doing this in the States for ages. Native Americans used to regularly mark their boundaries -- it definitely works against certain predators, and it's the very thing for compost. Good for Maggie, though: women aren't anybody's territory.

The Birdwatcher said...

My dad told me "never crap on your own doorstep." He was silent on the subject of urinating on it though.

Jeff said...

Kim

Now that is way too funny. But I am becoming a bit worried about you...


Peace

Kanani said...

Ha!
This made me laugh. Do you have a dog too? Just think, the two of you could take a walk and do "double marking."

Kim Ayres said...

Dr Maroon - given the alcohol content of your piss, I don't suppose it'll harm

Charlie - I can live with that, so long as it doesn't progress to butt sniffing

Mary - So does Mr Witzl mark the boundaries as he leaves for work?

Birdwatcher - doorstep, fine. Letterbox, probably not

Jeff - you mean you haven't started teaching Nash yet about this as a way of dealing with territorial disputes in the playground?

Kanani - Finally I understand why "double yellow lines" means "no parking" (in the UK anyway - I don't know what road signs are like in the US)

Dr Maroon said...

You had to be coarse about it didn't you.
No one mentioned the P word. Why don't you explain to Pat how to copy lines from my source code so that she can put her prize on her sidebra? Do something useful, keep you occupied for a while, spread the knowledge etc., etc.

Archivalist said...

On the door, okay....But what about the windows?

PI said...

Mary: would it stop a cat crapping in our drive?

Kim Ayres said...

Dr Maroon - you did so use the P word - past tense in fact. I shall send Pat an email.

Archivalist - use window boxes

Pat - maybe if you take the cat's car away...

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

OK, right you are then, but what about stinking damp?

Mary Witzl said...

If he ever does, he'll be cleaning them off, believe me.

MaLady said...

:) Pavlovian instincts, hmm?

So what's the human behavioral equivalent of possessive markings on another human?

Don't the male animals usually just circle around their "chosen one", watching and warning off challengers?

Yeah, that happens with people...have you ever noticed how the female animal usually looks either chagrined or skittish and unhappy with the fuss?

MaLady said...

Eryl - oh what great tasting pie this is!

My boys'll dejectedly give up an entire plate of brownies if their preschool sister manages to poke her fingers into them - way to mark our chocolate, girl! But we try to be fair and keep them out of reach.

Kim Ayres said...

Sam - you'll never notice it over the smell of deep fried haggis

Mary - :)

MaLady - she may look unhappy on the outside, but what woman doesn't love the idea of males competeing for her (lesbians excluded)?

Mauzy said...

Kim- to answer no, Nash just drops the "F" bomb as he did today in his first grade class.

you have been tagged.

http://mauzysmusings.blogspot.com/2008/01/meme.html

Freakazojd said...

This post made me laugh out loud, as so often happens when you're being your clever, witty self on this blog. I wonder if this technique would deter the neighbourhood cats from doing the same on our doorstep. Quite annoying, that.
Your response to malady's comment made me think of "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood" from "Camelot" because I am a music geek.
:)

Kim Ayres said...

Mauzy - thank you for thinking of me. However, I'm just in the process of completing a different tag, so it might be a while before I get round to this one

Freakazojd - I'm sure it would deter the cats - get out there and leave your mark right away, then report back...

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