Monday, October 29, 2007

On How to Manipulate Reality Using Photoshop

Take your average blogger. This one below is a typical example of the species and will serve nicely as a subject for this experiment
Blogger Vulgaris: a common, or garden variety of blogger

Now get him to look serious and brooding into the camera for a moment. You might want to tell him that Farscape was never as good as Star Trek, or that Facebook is only MySpace for snobs, or some such thing.

Then crop the image close, only only allowing half the face to show, as this will remove any sense of an asymmertrical skull structure and the viewer will automatically assume the rest of the face to be well balanced.

tell him there's a naked woman in the camera lens to get him to look in the right place

Desaturate the image as Black & White photography gives a sense of artistic and cultural superiority. Now boost the contrast on the iris to make it stand out more.

Before After

Finally, darken the background and fine tune the brightness and contrast on the rest of the face, making the lights lighter and the darks darker.

Handsome, thoughtful and profound. What more is there to say?

Et Voilà, you now have the photo for the dust cover of the Blogger's next best selling hardback.

Of course it would help if he ever got round to writing it.

22 comments:

ADW said...

I'll just send you a photo and you make it look good for me... 'mkay?

Kim Ayres said...

ADW - you're in luck! Female nudes are a speciality of mine...

michael greenwell said...

i had my own version of this.

1. get a girlfriend who is a photographer.

2. go to a scottish island

3. allow her to take a picture of a reflection

4. break up with said photographer

5 you get a good photo

http://tinyurl.com/2ww89m

Carole said...

I'm ready to buy the book just for the jacket. Perhaps you should publish the dust cover first and later write book.

savannah said...

what carole said, sugar! ;-)

Tom said...

Photoshop has helped me mingle among the mortals with more ease... When I used to look like this it was difficult for the common man to relate to my experiences, and so a team of dedicated professional graphic artists have helped me to achieve my current online appearance.

Tom said...

Ohh... and I dig the new photoshopped you, by the way. Much better than that old smiling and gentle looking guy on Facebook.

The Hangar Queen said...

For some reason The Patrician from Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels springs to mind.

Should I be aware of subtle manipulation that makes it seem that I am in control of my own destiny while in reality merely executing my role in your master plan?

Nah..didn't think so.......well...er

Kim Ayres said...

Michael - is the breaking up with the girlfriend an essential part of the process? I admire your dedication.

Carole - aw, shucks

Savannah - shucks again :)

Tom - I'm impressed with your understanding and empathy with the common man.

Hangar Queen - hmmm... perhaps it's more The Master from old Dr Who episodes...

Mary Witzl said...

Wow! That photo looks like it ought to be the cover of a book with a whole slew of hard-hitting, pithy reviews from the New York Times Book Review and the Guardian: "Mesmerizing," "A rollicking good read," and so on.

I had to send my photo to the people who sponsored a competition I won once. Honestly, it was so awful I could hardly bear it, but they printed it anyway.

How hard is it to do that sort of photograph? Really?

Eryl Shields said...

You make it sound so easy Kim, but having tried messing about with photoshop I know that's not so. It takes a certain type of skill and patience not in my possession, sadly.

I'd buy the book too.

Binty McShae said...

Oh, bravo sir... although 2 minutes more and you could have also removed that lone grey hair on your 'tache. Never mind. The extinguished hair adds a distinguished air to a distinctive Ayres, what!

Anonymous said...

with exception to the first photo...I am just pleased you shared them with us.....( not hard to look at at all!)....( I am so bad):)KUIN

Kim Ayres said...

Mary - the better the quality of the original photograph, the more you can do with it. You only have to look at all the completely false models on and in every magazine to see what can be done if you have the skill. If you've not seen it, this video on YouTube is a real eye opener to what can be done. My skills don't go that far, but I do have fun playing about a bit.

Eryl - like anything, it's practice - the more you do, the better you get.

Binty - superb linguistic gymnasticss my friend. How about you put them to use on the Storytellers Blog?

Kuin - but the first one is the most accurate...

Christina said...

Hey Kim
Head on over to me for an award :-)

PI said...

Kim will come back later to absorb this but when you have a chance see my comment on Eryl's blog and tell me what you think please. With regard to reading out loud.

Dr Maroon said...

That last picture looks just a touch George Michael.

You've got WAYYYY too much time on your hands.

jotcr2 said...

Sorry Kim, I am too impatient for all that. Download and crop, then post. That is my way.

Sayre said...

That's amazing... can I use that on MY book cover?

Kanani said...

That photo looks more like:
"If you dis my query, I'm going to hex you with a spell."

PI said...

I wish I had your expertise. Since I got a new screen my photo makes me look demented with teeth like Dracula. My son had a go but couldn't rally improve it.

Kim Ayres said...



Christina - I'll be over in a bit :)

Pat - sent you an email

Dr Maroon - it beats making notes for my philosophy class

Jo - you're a wiser person than me

Sayre - that might confuse your buying public...

Kanani - Maybe a bit too Derren Brown

Pat - Just embrace it and start wearing lots of lace and velvet