Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Torturers Devices

If I ever found myself employed as a state torturer, I would do away with the rack, the iron maiden, red-hot pokers and truth drugs. I have discovered the perfect instruments of cruelty that could reduce the most hardened man to a blubbering wreck. And, as far as I’m aware, these are not even covered by the Geneva convention.

For starters I would introduce paper cuts – thin little slices with the edge of a sheet of paper, right in to the soft side of the knuckles.

If that didn’t get a response I would move on to rapidly force-feeding the victim ice cream until he got a blinding headache just behind the eyes.

But if all else failed, I would bring in the most feared of all machines – the gas-powered, pneumatic toe-stubber.

HAHAHAHAHaHaHaHahahahaha….

(No prizes for guessing what happened to me this morning)

8 comments:

The Foxybrown Show said...

Good Morning O'bearded one
may I be the first to welcome you to the new and improved Foxybrown Show!

BStrong said...

It sounds like you are having one of those days where you should have just stayed in bed. I would have to agree that ramming the toe in to a dresser or other piece of furniture is bad stuff.

My suggestion for you today is to wrap yourself with bubble wrap and stay very still for the remainder of the day.

B

Naomi said...

Ice cream headaches are a mystery to me, I don't get them and just look on in bemusment whenever Mark gets one. I also don't get hangovers...

Tara Marie said...

Since I'm burning the midnight oil here, I'm hoping that the rest of your day was 'ouch' free!

Kim Ayres said...

Actually, it was only the toe stubbing that happened, but it set me thinking about the other everyday painful experiences.

Naomi - if you don't get ice cream headache, we need to think of another torture - how about chewing tin-foil/aluminum-foil (this only works if you have fillings in your teeth).

;)

Natalia said...

How about going down a slide made of razors straight into a pool of alcohol?

Just a thought!

-N

Kim Ayres said...

Not quite your everyday torture experience, but... ouch!

Belovedlife said...

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day ( you may want to move your furniture around in your room so when you get up in the morning its on the OTHER side of the bed).