Missing the Legend

I met Pat through blogging around 18 years ago, give or take. She was already well into her 70s and writing her memoirs, which she was posting episodically.

These days our content is spoon-fed to us via the algorithms that monitor how long we look at or hover over a post and then give us what they think we want based on our activity. Unfortunately this means we rarely stumble across anything new or challenging.

But back in the days when dinosaurs walked the Internet (who would have thought we could become nostalgic for a time still in the 2000s, but before the dominance of FB), we had to seek out stuff that might interest us.

The Internet seemed to be a place of discovery rather than a force-fed echo-chamber. And while we were busy creating our own content, we followed links, left comments and sometimes people would comment back.

Long term friendships were formed with people we might never have met in the real world because of geographical, or even social, political, and cultural separation. And yet, we would find like-minded spirits that reminded us we are all human underneath, whatever our differences.

I doubt if these same friendships could have occurred today precisely because the algorithms like to keep us in our separate social, political and cultural groups.

But I found Pat, or she found me, via a series of steps through other blogs populated with sometimes strange, sometimes down-to-earth, and sometimes just plain bonkers people who blogged as made up characters.

About 3 years later, I was on a road trip with my son, heading down to Devon to visit family, and took the opportunity to detour via Minehead and meet up with Pat. I documented it in the blog post, Meeting a Legend

"While waiting for Pat outside Mr Micawber’s café in Minehead, we spotted her from a wee way off. As she approached - elegant, attractive and with a dazzling smile - I became distinctly aware of my own travel-worn state – creased shirt, untrimmed jowls and in desperate need of a shower. Mr Odorous Crumpled at your service, Ma’am..."

We'd only planned on having a coffee and a wee chat, but it extended to, and beyond, lunch. Despite this being the first time we had met in person, if felt far more like meeting up with a long lost friend.

I think one of the key differences between blogging and other forms of social media, is that there is time to explore thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and the like are all designed to scroll through quickly, producing endless, quick dopamine hits. As such, there is no time to get to know anyone in depth, so our connections remain shallow.

For those we already know in the real world, those platforms are a great way to keep the relationships alive with constant "postcards of information", until the next time you meet and properly bond again. But it's practically impossible to do this with new connections. We "friend" easily, and "unfriend" even more easily. If someone disagrees with our point of view on almost anything, then it's easier to remove them from our feed. Why waste time trying to keep the relationship alive with someone we barely know?

But with bloggers, that sharing of fears, hopes and desires, loves, laughs and losses, we build a much deeper connection. It doesn't matter if they might vote or worship in a different way - we connect to them as people first - and as such the differences become a place of curiosity and learning.

3 years after that first meeting, my son and I planned another road trip down south, and I knew I would want to meet up with Pat again, only this time we would do a photo shoot.

In the intervening years, I had set up as a portrait photographer and knowing Pat had been a model earlier in her life was excuse enough.

We bounced ideas back and forth and eventually decided we would attempt 2 different shoots - one of her in a Hollywood Style, Marlene Dietrich pose, while the other would be making a nod towards Annigoni's portrait of Queen Elizabeth II - see Photographing a Legend

It was huge fun. Pat had gone to great lengths to find reference images and create outfits.

Over the next decade or so, every time I did a trip down to Devon, making a detour to visit Pat was always on the agenda. Conversations never dried up, and partings were always tinged with a little sadness.

In between times, blogging for many of us had become sporadic at best, but the other social media sites allowed us to stay in contact - frequently sharing, commenting, and messaging.

The last time I saw Pat in person was 2 years ago when we were down at my niece's wedding. This time Pat was delighted to finally get to meet my wife and daughter.

Back when Covid first hit the UK and we were all plunged into Lockdown, I began my live weekly video podcast, "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres", which at the time of writing has now been going for 4½ years.

Despite having no interest in taking photos herself, Pat would still tune in and join in the live chat almost every week, and was seen by all as a part of this community.

A few months ago, she told me she would no longer be able to be involved due to failing health and a need to prioritise her energies. And yet she would still periodically stick her head round the door and say hello.

Following the death of my brother at the end of last year, my son and I started talking of another road trip down south so he could meet up with family, and of course, take in another visit to Pat.

Pat's sense of hospitality meant that if you turned up for lunch, she would provide a spread large enough to feed an entire cricket team. This too had left a lasting impression on a young lad...

The initial plan had been to go in late spring, but work commitments meant it got bumped to autumn, and then more timing difficulties led to it getting postponed until next year.

With great sadness I found out yesterday that Pat has passed away. The chance to see her at least one last time has vanished.

For nearly 2 decades, Pat has been a warm and uplifting part of my life, and she will be sorely missed.

My heart goes out to her family.