Less surprised, but still faintly disappointed...

In a near identical re-run of this time last year (see my blog post, Me Vs Instagram), my Instagram "best 9" hasn't included any of the photos I'm most proud of having created across 2022.

In fact, it even includes a photo I repeated from the previous year for Star Wars Day (May the 4th), and a photo of a photo taken nearly 25 years ago.

With the exception of the D&G Life cover, which was about the feature the magazine did on my photography, all the rest are selfies of some kind.

And the ones with the most likes are the ones of me with Meg, with the highest scoring of all being the one of me, Meg and Maggie.

I know, I know... there's a reason social media has the word "social" in it.

Of course I love being with my wife and daughter, but is the way to increase my Instagram following really just to put up a constant stream of photos of me and Meg picking brambles and sitting in cafés?

Probably.

But how would that help me grow an audience for my actual photography business?

Last year it caught me by surprise.

This year, not so much because of last year.

However, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little disappointed that the photos I strive so hard to create - the ones where I stretch my abilities and grow as a photographer - don't even get a look in...

Still, my next blog post will be "2022 in Photographs", where I will show you the photos I feel most proud of from the past 12 months - stay tuned...

Apparently I'm the picture of health

"Let's see... according to the blood tests your liver is fine; your kidneys are fine; you don't have any inflammation; glucose levels no problem; cholesterol very good; white blood cells are neither small nor large so that's fine; PSA is perfectly normal... Nothing's flagging up."

"So I have the body of someone a decade younger?"

"Well, you have the body of someone your age who's been looking after their health..."

Following on from my visit to the doctor a few weeks back (see previous post, I Still Have It...), I saw the nurse who took some blood and sent it off for a raft of tests.

Today I returned to see the doctor to discuss the results.

It seems I'm in pretty good shape.

Given I'm now at an age where some people seem to suddenly drop dead unexpectedly ("He was out for a run/eating his breakfast/delivering a powerpoint presentation when he suddenly had a heart attack/fell face first into his rice crispies/went completely blue in the face and dropped to the floor... AND HE WAS ONLY 56!"), it's a great report to get.

But it also means the doctor feels it gives her even more reason to stick to the original CFS/ME diagnosis.

Part of me was really hoping something would show up.

Part of me was also a bit terrified that something would show up.

Let's face it, I wouldn't want the reason for my fatigue being I had some terminal illness with only a few weeks to live.

I guess what I really wanted was something like my zinc levels were low and I could take a daily supplement with my breakfast and miraculously my energy levels would be restored.

But no. It looks like whatever I have is here to stay with no explanation.

Maybe after 15+ years I have to move on to the next stage of grief beyond denial and into anger - but that would take a bit too much energy...

I still have it...

It was around 14 or 15 years ago I was given the label, CFS/ME – Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – after a good couple of years of trying to get to the bottom of why I was so bloody tired all the time.

Initially I was delighted that my unexplained condition was recognised, and I could no longer be accused of just making it up to disguise some form of laziness.

However, because CFS/ME is a diagnosis by omission, it means the medical profession have no idea what causes it, and therefore no idea how to cure it.

Essentially you are given the usual raft of tests, but nothing shows up: the body doesn't appear to be producing extra white blood cells to fight off infection, you're not lacking in vital minerals or vitamins, you're not suffering from sleep apnoea, there are no rashes or raised temperatures, and so on.

So with nothing being flagged up, and no other indicators of known illnesses, they run out of things to look for and at that point, give you the CFS/ME label.

It's a way of saying, “we accept something is wrong – we don't think you're making it up – but there's bugger all we can do about it so now go away and live with it. Oh, and if you need some anti-depressants to cope, just give us a shout...”

Over the years, by being a bit more careful with my diet, doing all the sleep hygiene stuff (no TVs, tablets or phones in the bedroom, for example), and trying to use meditation and mindfulness techniques, I've lessened the all-consuming intensity it originally had on my life.

But it has definitely not gone away and it's effects and impact are felt and dealt with every day of my life.

However, we humans are extraordinarily good at normalising, and on not so bad days I can sometimes wonder if I am just making a fuss about nothing... until suddenly I crash, the brain fog descends, and I can barely string a sentence together through slurred words.

Still the nagging doubts have persisted.

What if the doctor who originally diagnosed me (now retired for over a decade) had missed something more obvious?
What if there are new tests that can pinpoint what is actually causing my symptoms?
What if there are new treatments that could dramatically improve my quality of life?

With this in mind I went back to see my doctor this week. 

I've not actually seen her in person for several years because apart from the Chronic Fatigue there's never really been anything else wrong with me. The B12 jabs I have every 3 months, and the pint of blood I have removed a couple of times a year because of my haemochromatosis (both discovered in the original search for what was wrong with me, but neither actually having anything to do with the CFS/ME), have only required interaction with the nurse.

After chatting with the doctor for a wee while, discussing my symptoms and my desire to revisit the diagnosis, she said she was as convinced as ever that CFS/ME is what I have. In particular, the fact that nothing new has developed over the intervening 14 years was a pretty good indicator that it wasn't anything else that had been missed. If it had been something else, then it would have got worse to the point where it would have become more obvious what it was.

Still, I'm in my mid-50s, so now is probably a good time to have a men's health MOT and have a thorough check up for all the usual stuff, so that's been booked in for the not too distant future.

Perhaps something might show up, but it seems unlikely.

So if I turned up fresh today with all the symptoms I have, I would still be given the CFS/ME label.

The only hope is the appearance of Long Covid, which is incredibly similar to CFS/ME.

Basically the medical companies don't invest in research and development unless there's a profit to be made, and there have never been enough people with CFS/ME (or even enough acceptance within the medical profession), to make it worthwhile spending the millions or billions required.

But with so many more people around the world suffering from Long Covid, it might just start to become a possible money maker for the company that can find a cure.

And if they can do that, there's a damn good chance it would work with CFS/ME too.

Meanwhile, I'm left with complex feelings over this visit to my GP.

On the one hand, I definitely have CFS/ME, so maybe I can now let go of the imposter syndrome fear that perhaps it was just something I subconsciously made up and there's nothing actually wrong with me.

On the other hand, I still have CFS/ME and it's not going away any time soon, if ever, so I will continue to have to live with the impact of the symptoms on a daily basis.

And that's not an easy thing to feel OK about...

Creating a "best of" collection

For a long while, I've wanted to have some kind of "best of" collection available online, of the photos I've created since turning professional well over a decade ago.

You'd be surprised just how difficult it is to curate, when I have literally thousands of fully edited photos littered across hundreds of folders scattered over several hard drives.

I came across a folder where I'd attempted this once before - back in 2014. Nothing had been added since, and many of those in there I no longer consider worthy of display.

Then there's the issue of where to put them?

I remember having a debate with my web designer when I'd enthusiastically told him I wanted to have galleries - lots of galleries! He very firmly told me that actually, on my website, I only needed enough images to demonstrate to potential clients that I was worth contacting for a business enquiry, and that I shouldn't overwhelm and confuse them with hundreds of photos.

He eventually won the argument.

But it's never stopped me having a nagging feeling that my photos are too spread out. If someone wanted to really look at more than a handful, they would have to keep hunting and scrolling across multiple platforms.

Even Instagram, where I've uploaded many over the years, just displays everything in square format until you click on the image. 

And very few of my photos are square, so they never look quite right on that 3x3 grid.

Then I remembered Flickr - it was one of the original photo sharing sites, and back in the early days I did use it quite frequently to display my images. But as Facebook and Instagram became so dominant it slipped away into fuzzy memory territory.

However, it's still actually going, and my login details still give me access, and I'm allowed up to 1,000 photos on a free account.

And it has the added advantage of allowing you to sort your images into albums.

So for the past few days I have been finally creating the online gallery I've always wanted.

I don't expect anyone to stumble across it accidentally, but I now do have a place I can point people to if they'd like to see over 350 of my favourite creations, or wish to explore albums such as "Narrative Photography", "Portraits", "Black and white" or various collaborations.

It contains a few photo shoots I've never quite got round to blogging about, so you may well find something new - especially as I've put all the images in reverse order, with the most recent first and the oldest ones at the end.

These are purely my favourites. Others may well have chosen differently, but for whatever reason each of the photos here are ones where I can look on them with a certain level of internal satisfaction.

Click on this link to explore - https://www.flickr.com/photos/kimayres/

It doesn't include any of my not-people photography - flowers, insects, macro, landscape etc. At some point I might have to create a separate account for them...

56

Looking back at last year's post about turning 55, I realise the world has moved on a bit.

None of the cafes have barriers between tables, or people serving while wearing masks, and the whole general sense of going out feels more pre-Covid than than anytime in the past 2½ years.

Having said that, if I have to open a door to a building with my bare hand, or someone shakes my hand, I still don't feel comfortable touching anything else until I've had a squirt of hand gel.

Is it simply being precautious, or has an element of OCD crept into my way of being?

Plans for a picnic lunch and an afternoon Mocha were cancelled because the guy fixing our stove promised he would be round that afternoon to deal with it.

Of course he never turned up nor responded to my text until late in the evening when he suggested he could come the following afternoon.

First world problems, though – we're not starving, being attacked, or being screwed over by an incompetent corrupt government... (well, maybe the last one).

However, Maggie, Meg and I did have time in the morning to visit Kirkcudbright Galleries for a coffee and scone.

And then we went to look at an exhibition showing the amazing illustrations of Raymond Briggs (The Snowman, Father Christmas, Fungus the Bogeyman etc). It was stunning to see the original drawings with notes around the edges, as well as all sorts of quotes and comments about his life and approach to storytelling.

It was inspirational, and just made us want to pick up pencils and crayons and start sketching.

As always, Maggie's birthday cake for me was incredible

This one had a peanut-buttery-rocky-road base, with a cheesecake middle and a chocolate ganache with drizzled peanut butter topping.

She knows me so well!

A second slice was not advisable...

It never is, but then that kind of advice is never listened to.

I was stuffed to bursting point, but also enveloped in the warm love of my family.

I really couldn't ask for more.

A Little Bit Intimidated

Having ended up with a busier and more distracted week than I'd intended, I realised I didn't have quite as much time left to prepare for my live video podcast, Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres, as I would have liked.

This week I was revisiting the topic of Self Portraits – something I last addressed back in episode 51, some 16 or so months ago.

I think it's a fantastic genre to really stretch your photography – technically, emotionally, and imaginatively. It's one which can take us way out of our comfort zone, but we can also learn huge amounts from attempting.

With the limited energy available to me due to living with ME/CFS I couldn't pull an all-nighter and still expect to be able to deliver the podcast the following day, so I decided to watch episode 51 to remind me of the different aspects of the topic it would be worth conveying to the viewers.

So I started watching Mr-16-months-younger-me, and as the podcast progressed I found the panic rising as I realised he seemed to know so much more about the subject than I did.

He came across as relaxed, confident, and definitely knew what he was talking about. Despite not having a script in front of him, he delivered so much information – even his tangents seemed full of rich extras.

There's no way I could live up to that!

Even his beard was bigger.

I tried scribbling down some notes, but before I knew it I had a page of half-formed sentences, single key words, and an awful lot of dashes - and ellipses...

I was never going to be able to mould all that into shape before the podcast.

It was no good – I was just going to have to do it in my own limited way, and hope the viewers wouldn't feel too let down by my inadequacies.

I wondered whether, with that amount of knowledge and confidence, he'd gone on to have his own series on Netflix by now.

In the end, I don't think I did too badly.

I bluffed my way through it by projecting a level of confidence only available to me after a strong cup of coffee.

And with the caffeine surging it's way through my brain, I found the knowledge I do have flowed fairly easily, and I got across pretty much all the points I wanted to.

When I watched the podcast back afterwards I thought I looked like I actually knew what I was talking about, which was in direct contrast to how I felt about it.

Strangely, this latest me presenting the podcast came across far more like that previous me, than the me sitting here typing about what felt like a very near miss...

Below is Episode 116

Below that is Episode 51 if you feel the need to see which presenter looks more confident and self assured...

Gender Confusion

"We were trying to work out if you were her mother," said one of the visitors to Maggie during Spring Fling.

They were not talking about Meg - they were talking about me.

They had seen that Kim Ayres was sharing the same studio space as Maggie Ayres, so presumably I must be her daughter, or perhaps sister, or maybe they wondered if I was her wife.

However, I'm not even sure that Maggie pointing me out across the room and saying I was her husband – the one with the beard – would necessarily have cleared up any confusion.

Dad, Daughter, and Mum... or is it?

There was a time when being called Kim created a pretty straightforward mistake of assuming I was a woman instead of a man. However, upon seeing me most people would then be able to dredge from some part of their memory that on rare occasions men could be called Kim too.

Indeed I wrote about my lifelong experience of dealing with people's assumptions about my name on this blog 14 years ago in a post called "A Boy Named Kim"

However, in more recent years there has been a rise in the number of letters placed after LGB, and debates on Trans rights and gender fluidity.

While for some, their opinions are strong enough to instantly unfriend anyone with them who disagrees (or hesitates too long before agreeing), for others there can be just a sense of awkward confusion where they are terrified of inadvertently causing offence.

So the fact that a bearded person with a deeper voice has what they perceive to be a female name means it's no longer a given that I'm definitely a man and they need to adjust their definition of what counts as a "girl's name". 

It's just as possible that I was previously called David but have decided to self declare as a female, or I was born female but have had a certain amount of surgery and/or FTM (female-to-male) testosterone therapy.

On LinkedIn there is now the option to have he/him, she/her, they/them next to your name to clear up any confusions as to how you wish to be addressed.

It has certainly helped in reducing the number of times I'm addressed as Ms, but I've definitely seen an increase in the mental gymnastics behind a person's eyes when they meet me face to face...

Returning to the Live Spring Fling Experience

Spring Fling Open Studios is back in the physical world again – having been virtual-only for the past 2 years.

It was the 20th year of the event, and this year, instead of the usual last Saturday to Monday in May, it was moved to the first Thursday to Sunday in June, to tie in with the extra national bank holidays due to the Royal Platinum Jubilee.

Maggie and I are not royalists. We've nothing personal against Her Maj – I'm sure she's a lovely person – it's just the office she represents doesn't sit well with us. Quite simply, the idea that someone is born to rule over the rest of us, and we should all doff our caps in respect to that privilege is bollocks of the highest order.

However, Maggie and I were neither born to positions of power, nor have we acquired it during our lives, so what we say or think on the matter makes not one iota of difference to the world, other than it meant we didn't have Union Jack bunting hanging over the studio door (rebels or what?)

I used the same space to welcome visitors, display my photos, and do photography demonstrations, as I did 3 years ago (See https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2019/05/spring-fling-studio-50-on-orange-route.html). My friends, Carolyn & Ken, have converted an outbuilding (I think it might originally have been a cow byre), that has a waterproof roof, lighting, and power sockets.

It's the size of a small village hall – way bigger than I actually need - so this time Maggie shared the space with me.

It was the first time we've ever exhibited together, which is hardly surprising given our very different modes of creative expression.

Maggie paints abstract art, while I create cinematic and theatrical style narrative photography. Not natural gallery companions, but it was quite interesting to see our work hung in the same space.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to do my usual weekly live video podcast, Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres, on the Sunday, so I thought I would make an attempt at some other social media stuff.

During the setting up of the space I did 2 “YouTube Shorts”, where you can do something up to 15 seconds long.

I intended to do more, but to be honest I kept forgetting. I was in Spring Fling mode, not talk-to-the-camera mode. Besides, 15 seconds isn't a lot for a man who is used to talking non stop for over an hour every Sunday at 3pm into a webcam.

Needless to say at the end of each day I'd suddenly think of all the things I could have done, but back in the studio space they would all shoot out of my head again.

One of the things I really should have created a short film of was our daughter, Meg, who was also with us. She'd done some home-baking as an extra level of hospitality for visitors, with a wee jar for donations towards to the Castle Douglas Food Bank. Across the event she raised £67 and received a huge number of delightful compliments.

It was difficult to guess how many visitors we would have. In 2019 I received around 200 over the event. With Maggie in the same space, I felt we could expect at least double that. Although there would be some overlap of people who would naturally have visited our studios separately, there is also the "hub effect" in Spring Fling.

With 90+ studios to visit across a county more than 125 miles from one end to the other, it's impossible to see all of them. And no one wants to spend more time in the car than they are in the studios. So the places where there are more than one artist or maker tend to get exponentially more visitors, and the further off the beaten track you are, the fewer you can expect.

So while post-Covid caution and rising fuel costs might have reduced numbers a bit, having the 2 of us in the same space should have counteracted that.

We opened the doors on Thursday, and it was pretty quiet. We had a total of 24 people visit, although it was not spread evenly so there was plenty of time twiddling our thumbs and wondering if anyone else was going to turn up. I only did one photography demonstration the whole day. However, in some ways this did allow us to get settled and modify our processes for greeting and interacting with visitors.

Friday was considerably more lively with more than twice the number of visitors, many of whom were very engaged and asking lots of questions. We had quite a few in within minutes of opening, which meant it was well after 12pm before we got our morning coffee, and after 3pm before we were able to grab a bite of a sandwich. I did 4 photography demonstrations and made 3 voucher sales on discounts for future photo shoots.

Saturday is always the busiest day of Spring Fling, so we were there early, hyped up and ready to receive the heaving throngs.

Half an hour in and no one had arrived.

I thought I would use the time to do a studio tour for those who couldn't make it along. I was thinking particularly of many of my podcast following regulars who are spread across the world – as far flung as the USA to South Africa to India.

By 11.45am I was convinced there must have been an accident somewhere that had closed the road. I got in the car and drove the ½ mile down the track to the main road, but cars were zooming back and forth as usual. 

Baffled, I returned to Maggie.

12.10pm we received our first visitors. By now we were adjusting our expectations.

We had fewer people than Friday, but those that did turn up were again very engaged. I did 3 photography demos and sold another 3 vouchers

Comment of the Day: "Oh, are you two related?"

Traditionally, Sundays can often be as busy as Saturdays, but this time it was quieter again. 3 demos, and I sold 1 voucher.

The vouchers were the same as I did 3 years ago – for only £10 you could by a £100 discount voucher off your next shoot. Although last time I sold 12, only half converted into actual photo shoots. This time, I suspect the same might happen. 3 of them I'm pretty sure will get used, 1 I'm less sure of, and 3 I would be quite surprised if I'm contacted again.

During a quiet patch I decided to record the photo demonstration with Meg as my able assistant.

In total, across the 4 days, we had 150 visitors – way down on expectations. It seems that in addition to post-Covid caution and rising fuel prices, there were also a mass of other events on where organisers were wanting to cash in on the extra days of the Jubilee holidays, so the competition was just a bit too fierce.

And yet not only were Maggie's sales on a par with other years, her experience was a much better one.

In previous Spring Flings, Maggie has been based in her studio in Kirkcudbright, in a building full of other artist's studios, which has made it something of a mega-hub. Typically she would get in the region of 900 people coming through her small studio. However, a number of them weren't necessarily that interested in her work, but were just having a quick look because the door was open.

What this meant was the space could quickly be too full for anyone to be able to move round much, and sometimes there were people who were genuinely interested who couldn't get in, or have the time to properly chat to Maggie.

In our space this time, though, the only people who turned up were those who had circled our studios in the Spring Fling Brochure and were making a point to come and visit either me or Maggie.

With the larger space and fewer numbers, it meant visitors could take their time, view the images from different distances, and ask questions in a less pressured environment.

Consequently, not only was the visitor experience better, but the host experience was too.

Additionally there was something very comforting about being able to just periodically glance over and see Maggie just a few feet away, and then be able to chat and have coffee together during quiet periods.

There's no doubt we could happily have dealt with more than twice the number without any drop off of the quality of the experience on either side, but we still felt it was better than if Maggie had been in her usual place.

One less welcome gift from the Spring Fling event, unfortunately, is after more than 2 years of being hyper-vigilant, we managed to contract Covid 19.

There is part of me that definitely wishes our society had adopted more of a mask-wearing culture just as an ongoing thing, rather than dropping it at the first opportunity.

Smug Awards, and the 2nd Anniversary of the Podcasts

Episode 104 of Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres was the 2nd anniversary of my live video podcasts.

As a bit of fun I decided to hand out “Smug” Awards to various regular contributors for things like being the furthest away in the world from Castle Douglas in a particular direction, for turning up regularly, and for submitting photos I'd be really chuffed with if I'd taken them.

I pinned a few balloons to the bookshelf behind me, and Maggie brought me in a wee cake with 2 candles on shortly after I'd started broadcasting.

It was a fun, engaging episode designed to celebrate the achievement of creating 2 years worth of live video podcasts about photography.

And yet, away from the webcam, microphone and comments on my YouTube channel, there's a voice in my head that likes to tell me about all the things I haven't actually achieved with the podcast – like global domination, for example.

I do in fact have people tuning in all over the world every week – from West Coast USA to South Africa to India, and occasionally someone staying up really late in Australia.

However, they have never been at the numbers I envisaged, hoped for, or even expected to achieve.

Far from being a “YouTube Sensation” with millions of followers, so far, after 2 years and 104 episodes, it doesn't feel much bigger than the size of a camera club.

There are a little over a dozen who comment throughout the live broadcast, every week (and a few more who pop in and out less regularly), another handful who watch but don't comment, and the stats seem to show there are quite a few more who watch the recordings, although it's rare for me to reach as high as 3 figures.

The regular commenters, though, do allow me to respond, interact and take the podcast away from being a purely instructional video, into the realms of fun and friendliness with a certain amount of unpredictability.

There is nothing polished about doing a live show with no script in front of me. However, I believe it makes the connection I do have with the viewers considerably more authentic. Quite simply, if you met up with a few friends in a café for a chat and just pulled out your pre-written script as your contribution to the conversation, then I don't think you'd get invited out very often, no matter how interesting or relevant your words were.

If I am looking for the real "achievement" of the podcasts, then it has to be the sense of community that has been developed over the past 2 years.

My frustration, though, is the amount of work that goes into creating the content week in, week out, for so few people to watch and engage with. Ideally I would like to be able to add a good couple of zeros on to the end of the number count.

And a part of the struggle with the content is the continued fear I am going to run out of things to talk about.

When I began the podcasts back in April 2020, I worked out 3 months worth of content. A few weeks in and I realised I probably had another 4 months or so I could add on afterwards. So I was particularly surprised to reach the first anniversary last year and find I was still going.

Over time it keeps getting tweaked and adjusted, with some things becoming more streamlined, and other things being added or removed.

In many ways, one of the biggest achievements has been that I have been able to come up with 2 years worth of content, regardless of the number of people watching.

But while I have been panicking more recently about feeling I really have almost exhausted everything I can podcast about, while I was driving back from a trip to visit my father this week, I had a brainwave for another strand I could start to explore.

And part of that has come from trying to deal with the periodic overwhelm of imposter syndrome.

I don't have a problem with talking with a certain amount of authority when it comes to portrait and narrative photography, but I am not an expert in most other kinds. Landscape, wildlife, still life, macro, street, architecture, product etc. – all these are things where there are many more people who are far better at them than me.

And one of the problems with the followers of my podcasts is, for the most part, they are more interested in improving their skills in all these other kinds of photography.

So who am I to think I could help them improve in anything other than my own speciality?

However, part of the revelation during the drive home from seeing my father, was a good coach doesn't have to be stronger, faster or more skilled – what's required is they have a deeper understanding, insight, and an ability to communicate it.

And I do have that.

I might not be able to take landscape or wildlife or product photos to the level of the experts in those areas, but I do have a deep understanding of light, composition and narrative in photography. This in turn means I understand how the images are taken and why particular technical and creative decisions were made.

Although I don't have the 10,000 photos experience in those particular genres, I do know how to explain them to someone else.

And for most of the people who watch my podcasts, they don't need the top expert in the world – they just need someone who knows more than they do and, critically, knows how to explain it in a non-threatening, easily understandable way.

I remember my mother saying to me many years ago, a good teacher doesn't have to know everything – they just have to be a page ahead of the students. The skill is in the teaching.

This way of looking at things I think is going to free me up to explore photography much more alongside the podcast viewers – I can be journeying with them rather than feeling I always have to be the expert.

Perhaps the real achievement is being able to dismantle another part of my ego that lives in fear of being found out to be “less than.”

---

Below you can enjoy Episode 104 ofUnderstanding Photography with Kim Ayres, with the dishing out of Smug Awards.

If you decide to click through and watch it directly on YouTube (rather than here on the blog), then you can watch the Live Chat Replay and see the comments people are writing in real time as the podcast progresses.

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2:06 - Welcome to the SMUG AWARDS - 2 year anniversary of the podcasts
4:10 - An anniversary cake!
4:47 - comments and greetings
7:26 - what podcasts are usually like, but why this is different
6:12 - Greetings and comments
8:39 - Smug Award to my wife
9:27 - Smug Award to my biggest fan
11:30 - Smug Awards to most geographically distant from Castle Douglas, Scotland
15:18 - Smug Awards to those who turn up every week, barring emergencies
19:00 - Smug Awards to those who are less regular visitors, but still contribute and make their presence felt
20:35 - Smug Awards to those who turned up to the live version of today's podcast
21:50 - Special Smug Award to Pat
23:08 - Special Smug Award to Viji
25:27 - Special Smug Award to Robert
26:55 - Special Smug Award to Alex
27:47 - Special Smug Award to Ben
30:25 - Special Smug Award to Rose-Marie
31:49 - Special Smug Award to April
34:57 - Photos I've been hugely impressed b
37:10 - Photography Smug Award to Alex
37:53 - Photography Smug Award to Anne
40:26 - Photography Smug Award to Ben
44:17 - Photography Smug Award to Bennitito
46:14 - Photography Smug Award to Garry
49:06 - Photography Smug Award to Jacqui
51:39 - Photography Smug Award to Nicola
52:50 - Photography Smug Award to Robert
55:29 - Photography Smug Award to Viji
1:01:44 - Coming up next week - Critique
1:03:22 - End

Never Ending Story...

You know the kind of person who never says much, but when they do, they are precise, to the point, say their piece, and then they're done?

That's not me.

I'm the sort who takes at least half an hour between the time they say, "Well I'd better head off now," and actually leave, and will still probably keep you on the doorstep for a further 20 minutes.

In essence, I have a problem with ending conversations. Something else always pops into my head that feels pertinent and worth saying.

And if I happen to be in the company of someone else like this then I'd better text my wife to let her know not to wait up.

In my past life as a web designer, 20 years ago, I used to go along to weekly, business networking, breakfast meetings, that were created to introduce you to other businesses and build business relationships. They started at 7am and finished promptly at 8.30am so they wouldn't interfere with your working day.

I met a graphic designer there and we became good friends. After each meeting we would wander out to the car park and would continue chatting for the next 2 to 3 hours. 

We'd never go and get a coffee somewhere, because somehow that would have been admitting we weren't going to get any work done that morning. Instead there would be at least a dozen times one of us would begin, "Well I'd better get back to the office," before we launched into another topic.

I've become even more aware of my inability to close a conversation since I began my podcasts. 

I'm never entirely sure quite how to end them.

I'll finish talking about the final photograph, and start saying, "Well that's it for this week..." and then remember to check the chat box to see if anyone has said anything. They usually have, so I'll respond to that, and then start the closing comments, and then remember to let people know what's coming up next week.

Then I'll check the chat again, and by the time I do get round to saying something like, "Have a good week and I'll see you next Sunday. Take care. Cheerio. Goodnight. Or I guess it's only good night in Asia as it's still afternoon here in Europe and Africa. And it's still morning in the Americas..." if you look carefully just before the end screen appears you might just notice my eyes flickering as I'm worrying I might have forgotten to say something important.

There's a craftsman I know who has a fascinating skill at being able to be warm and friendly, answer my questions, and yet deftly steer me out the door in under 5 minutes, before I've even had a chance to go off on my second tangent.

I have no idea how he does it as I'm always out on the street before I realise it's happened again and I've forgotten to ask him.

But I'm dead impressed.

Photographing Amanda Simmons - Glass Artist

When I tentatively decided to set myself up as a portrait photographer back in 2009, glass artist, Amanda Simmons, was one of my first real clients. She needed a few publicity photos of her at work in her studio, with an emphasis on processes.

We got on well.
She was pleased with the photos.
I was pleased with the photos.
And it helped with my confidence to move forward with the idea of presenting myself as a professional photographer.

So I was delighted when she got in contact last year to say she was after some more photography from me.

This time, however, while she would be wanting some action shots, she wanted it to be less about processes, and more about creating some images that reflected a mood and sense of who she feels she is at this point in her life.

There are many artists who may appear bright and cheerful on the outside, but are projecting a well honed personality that isn't always feel in keeping with their more introverted nature. So she was after some photos to create a sense of space, even isolation and aloneness in her workshop.

So for most of the shots I decided to use just a single off-camera flash to light her up, but not the whole of the studio space. 

Although in some it looks like she is lit by window light, she isn't – it's just photographic lighting tricks – if you follow the shadows you'll see they don't quite match up.

Here are a few from the set

Amanda also wanted a shot of her tattoo, which she got in the year before Lockdown. I used my favourite large softbox with a grid, which gives such beautiful almost creamy shadows, but also isolated her from a fairly busy background of shelves full of tools and materials.

You can find out more about Amanda's amazing work on her website at
https://www.amandasimmons.co.uk/

If you're interested in listening to me talk about this shoot in my weekly live video podcast, Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres, then click on the video below. The general welcome, greetings and comments conclude at around 5 minutes in, and then I start talking about the photography.

Photographing The Wave Blues Band

In my experience, bands are nearly always the best kind of people to do narrative photography shoots with. Musicians are creatives, and also performers.

With any live gig, there's an element of theatricality – thought is given not just to the music, but how the band will look on stage – no matter how tiny the gig. And even if your base player is just wearing a Metallica t-shirt – you can be certain s/he made a conscious decision to do so – it will not have been an accident.

Although you might only be playing to 2 people and a dog, in your head you're at Wembley Stadium in front of 40,000 screaming fans.

For most bands playing at a local level, just a half-decent live shot, where you can at least see most of the members (drummers usually have to put up with being obscured by the others), will be desperately yearned for. Of perhaps they can find a mate who can photograph them looking moody standing in front of a garage door.

So narrative photography is always a good excuse to think bigger, or go off on interesting tangents. Let's create something a bit more cinematic; something that looks like it could be part of a larger story.

The Wave Blues Band had managed to get hold of The Coach and Horses pub in Dumfries for the day. A consequence of the ongoing pandemic is it is no longer open every day, but landlady, Heather, was more than happy for us to use it as a set to create our photos.

I met up with the band during their rehearsals on two occasions before we did the shoot, to discuss the mood and feel they were after and bounce some ideas around.

We could have gone for a playing live look, but instead settled on an idea where in a smoke filled room, 2 people could be playing cards while the rest of the band were setting up around them.

Smoking is of course banned in pubs these days, however, I have a small smoke machine which is ideal for times like this.

I set up the lighting, and got everyone in place to do a test shot, and was quite surprised to find it didn't look too bad.

There are never any guarantees.

Every shoot I go in to I have my starting point, and from there we set about adjusting and honing until we have the best version of that shot we can manage. However, sometimes that first shot is so wildly out from what I was expecting, we have to abandon the idea all together and come up with something new on the spot.

Although that happens less and less as I become more experienced, part of me is always expecting it and is always pleasantly surprised, if not outright relieved, when those first test shots show I'm in the right ballpark.

I swapped the coloured gels over, we put a bottle of whisky on the table, then I activated the smoke machine. After that it was little more than tweaking – getting people to angle their body this way or that so the flow of line and form would draw the viewer seamlessly through the image.

After a break for lunch it was down to doing individual band member shots. Unfortunately the smoke machine gave up on me, so I was unable to create that extra layer I wanted, but in the end I don't think it really mattered.

Eric

Brian

Susi

Ken

Dave

In a sign of the times we live in, everyone did a lateral flow test earlier that morning, and even though all were negative, I kept my mask on the entire time.

This wasn't paranoia on my part, but the fact I had a stinking cold where it hurt every time I swallowed and if I coughed it was like gargling broken glass. The simple fact was, I kept my mask on so no one else would get it.

And here's a bonus shot from the day - Brian was playing while we were on a lunch break. I couldn't resist quickly moving a light into place and getting a shot of him.

If you're interested in listening to me talk about this shoot in my weekly live video podcast, Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres, then click on the video below. The general welcome, greetings and comments conclude at around 6 minutes in, and then I start talking about the photography.

2021 in Photographs

Every January, I put up a post of my favourite photos from the past 12 months. I usually put up a small handful of behind-the-scenes videos too, but because of the way things have gone since the arrival of Covid, I didn't have any shoots this past year where I was able to create one.

Like last year, the majority of my photographic experiences have been expressed through the weekly, live video podcasts, Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres, which began shortly after Covid 19 hit our shores and Lockdown was initiated. However, I have still been pushing my boundaries and stretching both my photography and editing skills whenever I can.

There's a varied selection, so hopefully something for everyone.

I'm always interested in feedback, so if you'd care to leave a comment about which one(s) are your favourite, or any personal observations, it would be warmly appreciated.

If you're curious as to how my photography has progressed across the last dozen or so years, then you can find earlier years' selections here: 2020, Decade Review, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009

Amanda Simmons - Glass Artist

Glass artist, Amanda Simmons, was one of the very first people to commission me for portraits when I set myself up as a professional phtographer a dozen years ago, so I was delighted when she contacted me at the beginning of 2021 to do some more photography for her. During this time, not only has she grown as an artist, she wanted photos that had a different sense of how she sees herself. These images were to give the viewer not just a sense of space, but also the aloneness, even isolation in her workshop.

Amanda also wanted a shot of her tattoo, which she got in the year before Lockdown. I used my favourite large softbox with a grid, which gives such beautiful almost creamy shadows, but also isolated her from a fairly busy background of shelves full of tools and materials.

Still Life

Following several suggestions to my podcast for more information about Still Life photography - something that most people could attempt while still in Lockdown or social isolation conditions - I decided to do a podcast about traditional still life painting through history, and how to reproduce it with photography. The key thing here being that if you use the lighting and compositional techniques, as well as the colour palette, of the old masters, your photograph will look remarkably painterly.

Once you've got the hang of the techniques, it's much easier to put modern twists and styling into this genre of photography too.

Although I knew the theory behind all this, by actually creating the images for the podcast audience, I learned a huge amount in the process. 

If you'd like to see the podcast where I go into detail about all this, then follow this link: https://youtu.be/zE7k110tDSc 

Meg - like a painting

A month or so after the Still Life photos above, a portrait was submitted to the podcasts that several people said looked quite painterly. All the same things I'd talked about still life applies also to portraits - if you use the same tropes, lighting, etc, you can make a portrait look like a painting. So I used my daughter, Meg, to illustrate the point I wanted to make.
For a bit more about this, you can read my blog post here:
https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2021/02/inspiration-from-failed-photos-and.html

Self Portrait and May the Fourth be With You

I had an idea for a lighting set up I wanted to try out, but this was still pre-vaccines and so I was extremely limited in the amount of photography I could do involving anyone else. With a Lockdown Beard, and an unironed shirt, I thought a character shot was the way to go. Although real whiskey was tempting, it's actually week tea in the tumbler. I shot against a black backcloth and added the brickwork in once I started editing.

A month or so later, for the podcast I was talking about the use of the colour red, and the effect it has in composition. I set a "Red Challenge" for the viewers and because it tied in with "Star Wars Day" (May the fourth), I decided to create a lightsabre effect coming from the whiskey glass. 
If you'd like to see how I did it, you can view the podcast episode here:
https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2021/05/tripped-up-again-and-episode-58-of.html

Meg - with attitude

A couple of fairly prestigious portrait photo competitions were coming up - ones I've never done particularly well in - and I wanted to try something different. Still living in social isolation conditions, Meg once again was my only option. However, with the exception of the painterly photo you saw earlier, most of the photos I have of Meg are where she is wearing her glasses, and smiling. 

This time I wanted her in modern clothing, staring uncompromisingly into the camera. What I ended up with caught me by surprise. I saw Meg in a way I hadn't before. She was the faerie child from 20 years ago, but now grown up.

If you would like to read more about the taking of these photos, then click on this link to the blog post:
https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2021/09/photographing-faerie-child-and-episode.html

Macro Lens

At the end of 2020, I finally bought myself a macro lens - something I'd been thinking about for years, but had found it difficult to justify the expense when my photography business is built around portraiture. 

However, with Covid and Lockdowns, and finding much of my photography was limited to stuff around the house or in the garden, it suddenly felt like quite a useful lens to have and to explore with. It also meant there was more I could share with the podcast viewers.

I had to wait until Spring before I could get the close up dandelion seeds I'd been thinking about for some time.

I'd also always fancied trying to get a bee on a flower. It has to be said that even with a good macro lens it's still extraordinarily difficult because the wee buggers keep moving. After many many attempts, when I did finally get the shot I was after, I discovered this particular bee was soaking wet. I have no idea how or why, but at least it was still able to fly.

Alexis Fleming and the Animal Hospice

I got a panicked call from the commissioning editor of Dumfries and Galloway Life magazine saying the photographer she had lined up for a shoot with Alexis Fleming, had to drop out at the last minute - would I mind stepping in?

Alexis runs an animal hospice for abandoned terminally ill and neglected pets and farm animals. At this point she had over 160 goats, pigs, dogs, chickens etc with more turning up all the time. Her commitment and dedication is phenomenal.

Fortunately it was a bright, clear day, so I was able to shoot without worrying about extra lighting, and this freed me up. This particular photo was my favourite of the bunch, where the lines and composition all seemed to fall into place.

She has a book called "No Life Too Small" which you can find out more about on her website:
https://www.themaggiefleminganimalhospice.org.uk/

Sarah Stewart - Print Maker

Sarah Stewart is a printmaker with a love for creating images based on old designs - from images of typewriters to toy cars to the lids of old tins of drawing pins. She also has a wonderful old press dating back many decades. She wanted photos of her at work in different stages - from mixing paints to screen printing.

For a fun final shot of the day we bounced ideas back and forth before she put on a colourful dress, a pair of heels, and covered her arms in ink with a roller.

If you'd like to find out more about Sarah and her work, then visit her website here:
https://sarahstewartprintmaker.co.uk/ 

Nith Inshore Rescue

Some of you might remember a couple of years back I did a project for the Solway Firth Partnership called "Fishing Faces" (see - https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2019/10/fishing-faces.html). One of a dozen different photo shoots was with Nith Inshore Rescue. 

Earlier in the year they contacted me to see if I could do some updated action photos for them as they had new engines and sponsorship logo they needed shown in their promotional imagery, as well as needing a few more recent images for their website. Once again the highlight for me was being taken out on the water at high speed in their RIB. 

This time, the evening light made for a more interesting sky and I was really pleased with some of the images I managed to create for them.

If you'd like to find out more about Nith Inshore Rescue, then visit their website here:
https://www.nithrescue.org.uk

Geoff Forrest - Steel Sculptures

When I first met Geoff Forrest, he worked in willow, but over the past few years he's transitioned to creating sculptures in steel. Back in the summer, he had an exhibition of several pieces at the Caerlaverock Wetland Centre and asked me to photograph them in situation. This turned out to be much trickier than I originally anticipated, primarily because his sculptures are three-dimensional outlines so you can see the background through them. Now while people with normal vision can easily separate them out, the camera operates in 2 dimensions and it wasn't so easy to make out their forms in photographs.

A few members of the Wetlands Trust helped to move the geese sculptures up onto a ridge, so I could photograph them against a textured evening sky. Although not one of the final promotional images, I love the shot above where you can see the people silhouetted as they move the 3rd sculpture into place. It gives a real sense of the scale of them.

On a separate day, in different weather conditions, I went back to photograph some of the other sculptures, and the Dragonfly proved to be particularly difficult, as so much of the grass had grown up through it. However, once again, trusty assistants helped to move it to a place where I was able to get under the sculpture and shoot it against the sky. This was my favourite of the whole set I did for Geoff.

If you'd like to watch the podcast where I talk about this shoot, click on this link: 
https://youtu.be/w_1cnEtEkx0

Maggie's Birthday

On Maggie's birthday, she said she'd quite like a photo that showed her as an artist with a bit of confidence and attitude. Using a wide-angle lens, and tilting the camera means every straight line in the photo is a diagonal - which, if you've ever watched my podcasts, you'll know adds energy and removes any calming effect. I did both colour and black and white versions of this. Maggie preferred the colour, and I preferred the black and white.

To see more of Maggie's art, check out her website here:
https://www.maggieayres.co.uk/

The Kippford Mermaid

The Kippford Mermaid was a promotional shoot for "The Arts End of Somewhere" - a group for people with profound and multiple learning difficulties, who had created a book about a local tale of a sailor who falls in love with a mermaid. One of my bigger shoots of the year, it was also the first indoor one after vaccinations and flow tests allowed for it.

As well as the main photo, I did individual shots of the members as either sailors or mermaids, and this one of Zoe, who is a wheelchair user, was my favourite. It was also the hardest one to create, and stretched my Photoshop skills to new levels.

If you'd like to find out more about the photo shoot, the group, and the book, then visit this blog post:
https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2021/09/the-kippford-mermaid.html

Odin's Chair

When the Galloway Viking Hoard came to the Kirkcudbright Galleries to be displayed, Ian Cameron-Smith was commissioned to create Odin's Chair - a giant (3 times size) Viking throne to be placed just outside the Stewartry Museum, just along the road. Ian also brought in his son (also called Ian), who researched and carved the runes, and Callum King who made giant ravens to perch on the chair (tying in with Huginn and Muninn from Norse mythology).

Dumfries & Galloway Life magazine commissioned me to take some photos of the makers with their creation, but part of the problem was it made everyone standing next to it look tiny (see photo above, where I look distinctly hobbit-like).

My solution was to get in close with a wide-angle lens, which distorted the scale somewhat, and had the effect of making it more dramatic. I was also pleased with the lighting set up I created. While it was a sunny day, the chair was in the shadow of the building next to it, so I needed to be a bit more creative.

If you'd like to know more about the shoot and see other photos from the session, then click through to my blog post here:
https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2021/11/odins-chair-and-episode-85-of.html

Re:Dress - Slow Fashion Show

The photo shoot that stretched me the most this year was, without doubt, the Dumfries Slow Fashion Movement fashion show, Re:Dress.

While full of people with amazing outfits, hair and makeup, I only had a few minutes with each of the ones I photographed as the shoot had to happen on the night of the show.

Lots of advance planning and work, combined with sleepless nights and a really stinking cold (not Covid, but it's still not much fun wearing a mask for several hours when you have a runny nose).

However, in the end I managed to create a set of images that both I and the organisers were really pleased with.

If you'd like to see more of the images and find out more about the photo shoot and the Movement, then click through to this blog post:
https://kimayres.blogspot.com/2021/12/photographing-redress-dumfries-slow.html

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I hope you've enjoyed my selection - please leave a comment below with any thoughts or observations, and let me know your favourite!

Wishing each and every one of you a kinder and more compassionate 2022.