Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres - Episode 4 – The beginning of the end, or the beginning of the beginning?

Yes, I know, there's a lot of beginnings in the title of this blog, but I'm trying to be optimistic...

As the Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres video podcasts continue, the hope was it would start gathering a following, and numbers of views, length of time people stuck with it, and the amount of comments and engagement, would all increase.

And yet, when I start analysing the statistics and "insights" on Facebook, it seems to be moving in the opposite direction.

4 episodes is way too few to really get a proper sense of how its going to go, but of course I can't help obsessively looking for trends, even this early on.

Is it working? Will I become an international superstar before the end of Lockdown? Or is it all going to pitifully and humiliatingly grind to a halt, and end with nothing more than a barely perceptible whimper lost in the breeze?

But while a downhill trend, however slight, might seem to be a soul-deflating warning flag, there is another interpretation.

Simply put, the first ones were probably be more likely to be more engaged and well attended because of the novelty value, and a number of friends wishing to show their support, even if they are not particularly interested in photography.

So a drop in numbers is not necessarily an indication of an imminent end, but rather a thinning out of the well wishers, and a settling in of the hardcore fans and enthusiasts.

The numbers might be lower, but the commitment could be higher.

And that, is really where all creatives want to be.

Sure, large numbers of fans look good from the outside, but if the followers don't actually care then it's all a bit pointless. It's like the Instagram pages you find with 80,000 followers, but hardly any of the posts have any likes or comments. The followers were probably paid for by one of those schemes.

It becomes important, therefore, to establish a baseline – to have that solid, core group to build out from, if we want to last the distance and grow into the future.

Of course, if I keep screwing up the introductions, I might eventually piss off even the most committed fans...

So here is Episode 4 of Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres. In this episode I talk about the shoot I did with Rosset Bespoke Butlers, and the compositional technique of asymmetrical symmetry, as well as the Critique section where I offer feedback and advice for people to improve particular images.

This is the YouTube version, where I've cut out a couple of the longer pauses when I was caught up in the technicals.

If you've not done so already, please subscribe to my YouTube channel - https://www.youtube.com/kimayres – to help me build the numbers.

And, or course, if you would like to submit a photo for feedback, or just ask a photography related question, then do join my Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres Facebook group and I will put it into the following podcast:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/240842990388815/



0:00 - Messing up my introduction... again
0:32 - Story behind the photo shoot for Rosset Bespoke Bulters
8:24 - Introduction to the idea of asymmetrical symmetry
19:15 - Critiques of submitted photos

Losing a Hundredweight

When the emotions plummet, when that huge void in your chest threatens to drag you down to the deepest of depths, when the feelings are just too big to deal with, what do you do to ease the pain?

For some it's time to get drunk, or get high, or do extreme levels of exercise, or shop, gamble, or self harm in a multitude of different ways.

But for me, once I gave up the experimentations and addictions of various drugs in my youth, food became my primary self-medication of choice.

Food is an easy choice: particular combinations of fat, sugar and salt trigger all sorts of happy chemicals in the brain; sweet things especially are often linked to notions of reward that were embedded in childhood; not to mention the links with celebrations; and of course it's easily found, and it tastes so good.

And when the hollow void is there, if you stuff enough food down your throat, for a brief moment at least, it plugs the entrance to the feelings of a cavernous emptiness within.

Unfortunately there are less desirable side effects of over consuming food:

1) if you get the sugar high, you can be assured of the sugar slump afterwards, which can end up making you feel even worse
2) over eating is not good for your body either, and sustained over a long period of time can seriously effect your health
3) you start putting on weight, which leads to other people judging you harshly, which makes you feel even worse about yourself, which makes the void open up again, which can only be stopped by plugging it with more food – and so the vicious cycle grows

For me, this lead to the point where by the time I was in my mid to late 30s, I weighed 19 stone 9 pounds (275lbs or 125kg)

A little over 15 years ago, with considerable help from my wife, I set about changing how I ate – as best as possible, focusing on the idea of eating healthily, where weight loss became a beneficial side effect.

A few months in and the pounds started noticeably coming off and I set up a blog called "Losing a Hundredweight" to start tracking my progress.

The idea for the name came from the fact that for my height, if I was to ever get down to something approaching a proper BMI (which is about your height-weight ratio), then I would have to lose over 8 stone from my starting point.

8 stone is 112 pounds, which is a hundredweight in old money, or 5% of one ton.

It seemed like such an unlikely possibility that using it in the title of the blog was being ironic. I never believed it was actually possible.

However, at one point, about 10 years ago, I almost got there. I was literally less than one pound away, but it was a bit of a blip and then the weight started edging back up again.

Over a couple of years I went up to 14 stone, then came back down to around 13 and a bit, where I hovered for the best part of 6 years.

2 years ago I came down a stone and have since hovered around 12st 4lbs, give or take 5lbs.

But now, during isolation because of Covid-19, the weight has started dropping again. A combination of not being able to go for hot chocolates with clients at In House Chocolates, nor being able to eat too much bread from Earth's Crust Bakery, and the fact we deliberately didn't restock the store cupboards with sweet treats before we went into Lockdown (to completely disable my ability to self medicate that way), has had an effect.

And when the tension and mental overdrive of putting these podcasts together is thrown in, I've been burning up more than I've been consuming.

This morning, when I weighed myself, I was surprised to see I'm now 11 stone 7.6 pounds (161.6lbs or 73.3kg).

I have crossed that hundredweight barrier, 15 years after I started this journey, and 10 years after I almost got there.

But I think what's really surprised me is the lack of elation.

For sure, I can find a certain level of quiet satisfaction, but not the air-punching, happy-dancing, whooping-with-joy I might have expected.

Perhaps if I had hit this threshold 10 years ago, that would have been the time for celebration, because then it was still something I was aiming for.

However, for the last several years I've been relatively content with my weight. Yes I've still been officially overweight for my height, but compared with where I used to be, it's felt so much less important.

The weight loss, and the eventual achievement of losing more than 112 pounds really has been a side effect of a lifestyle change, and not a permanent struggle to try and attain the seemingly impossible.

And if I lose another 3.6 pounds I will actually cross the barrier into a "normal" weight for my size and build. I will no longer be officially "overweight" for the first time since I was probably a teenager.

But if that happens, I won't be feeling the need to celebrate with a large chocolate cake...


38 years old and over 19½ stone, vs 53 years old and 11½ stone

Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres - Episode 3 – Will it get any easier?

I had hoped that my nerves would be calmer at the introduction of Episode 3.

After last week's look of terror on my face, which caused me to re-record the opening section for the YouTube version, I decided it was OK for me to look at my notes rather than try and remember the intro text and then panic when I couldn't.

Even so, I still started to introduce myself as a portrait and landscape photographer...

Face palm.

Once I'm into the flow then mostly I'm fine. If I can just talk the way I would talk to anyone, then I'm much more relaxed. It's just getting past the bit where I *have* to get the words right – that's when I collapse under the pressure.

But really, what pressure?

At the moment I the live sessions on Facebook average about 20 people, maybe less. And while the statistics say it's had 350 views, it also says most of them were for less than one minute.

This is not national TV with millions of viewers.

But I suppose it wouldn't really make any difference if it was 20 people or 20 million people – I just want to get it right. I don't have a boss, or a producer leaning over me, so the pressure comes entirely from within.

I guess, though, if I didn't have that bit within me that strives to get it right and keep improving, I'd never have become self employed in the first place.

So here is Episode 3 of Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres. In this episode I talk about the shoot I did with Blood Bikes, and the power of diagonals when you're composing your photos, as well as the Critique section where I offer feedback and advice for people to improve particular images.

This is the YouTube version, where I've cut out a couple of the longer pauses when I was caught up in the technicals.

If you've not done so already, please subscribe to my YouTube channel - https://www.youtube.com/kimayres – to help me build the numbers.

And, or course, if you would like to submit a photo for feedback, or just ask a photography related question, then do join my Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres Facebook group and I will put it into the following podcast
https://www.facebook.com/groups/240842990388815/



0:10 - Messing up my introduction
1:02 - Story behind the photo shoot for Dumfries & Galloway Blood Bikes
19:10 - Introduction to Diagonals in composition
25:30 - introduction to Dynamic Tension
33:00 - Critiques of submitted photos

Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres - Episode 2 - Making Changes.

Getting genuine feedback on something you've created is never easy.

As mentioned in my post on the build up to starting the Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres podcast, (see Going Live on Tuesday at 7.30pm), most people are terrified of causing offense, so will either praise us unnecessarily, or stay silent, which gives us a skewed idea of our abilities.

So when I asked a few people what they thought of Episode 1, a lot of what I got was encouragement and compliments. Which, don't get me wrong, is lovely to hear, but isn't necessarily going to help me improve.

However, my son Rogan was brilliant. He has a unique combination of:
a) being in his early 20s, so has a far better natural grasp of youtube, social media, and moving in this online world,
b) having grown up as the son of a Philosophy graduate, so is far more interested in dissecting and deconstructing a problem than praising someone,
c) relished the opportunity to be able to be in a more knowledgeable and superior position than his Dad, and
d) just being an all round nice bloke who's happy to help.

So we spent a long evening on a Skype call going over the various aspects – what worked, what didn't, and areas that could be improved.

In this coming episode, changes you might notice include:
- space for the podcast title and other social media outlets where you can find me
- I've changed the lighting so it no longer looks like I have 2 stripes on my face from the way the overhead lights were refracting through my glasses. It also means you can see my eyes more easily
- I no longer keep reaching round behind me to grab the glass each time I take a sip of water

A lot of the rest of it will just come with practice.

The nervousness with which I introduced the first episode does make me cringe when I watch it back. But the introduction in the second episode was even worse, because now you could see my eyes and make out the sheer terror more clearly. It was so bad, in fact, that before I uploaded it to youtube, I re-recorded the beginning.

However, once I settle into the flow and stop being so self conscious, I seem to come across much better.

I know this comes from having to read a script for the intro, in case I forget anything. I am terrible at remembering things word for word, so have to write it down. But reading it off the screen means I'm not looking at the camera. So my eyes end up darting back and forth and I'm hideously aware of how bad it looks.

Hopefully this will get easier with each episode.

I have to remember, I've only done 2 of these things so far, so it's only human if I don't have it perfect straight away.

It's still better to have something out there, and to be learning the craft of presenting an online podcast, than doing nothing.

So here is Episode 2, originally broadcast on Facebook Live. And once you get past the introduction, I'm sure you'll find it much more engaging.

Fortunately I finally managed to sort out the problem with youtube, so this recording is now there. Do please click subscribe as once I get up to a certain number of followers, there are more options available to me - https://www.youtube.com/kimayres?sub_confirmation=1



If you'd rather skip to a particular section, here's a contents list:
0:46 - Thank you to those who gave me feedback on last week's episode
1:30 - Deconstructing photo of tailor, Andrew Livingston
7:07 - Introduction to Rule of Thirds
09:18 - Rule of Thirds indepth demonstration
18:44 - Critiques of submitted photos and Q&As

And, or course, if you would like to submit a photo for feedback, or just ask a photography related question, then do join my Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres Facebook group and I will put it into the following podcast
https://www.facebook.com/groups/240842990388815/

The Shed Café

When we first moved to our house in Castle Douglas, there was quite a big shed in the garden – about 8 x 12 feet. It was rotted in places, but it was fine for a bit of storage.

Over a decade the rot got worse, the roof leaked more, and the floor became unsafe. So finally, a couple of years ago we decided to get a new one.

We couldn't afford a shed of a similar size, but we did manage to get a 6 x 8 foot one within our budget, which our friend, Allan, helped me build (actually, it was more that I helped him build it – he was the guy with the power tools, while mostly I just looked at the instructions and hunted out the right size screws).



It's since done it's job of keeping the lawnmower dry, and storing a multitude of things we'll never get round to using again (cheap buckets and spades from when the kids were little?).

However, this morning it took on a new function – an improvised café.

For a few years now, Maggie and I have set aside a morning a week where we go out for a coffee and talk until lunchtime about anything and everything.

We'd discovered we engaged with the world, and each other, differently when we were out of the house. And that this was important.

Since Lockdown we've really been missing that space in the week for each other.

Then yesterday it occurred to me perhaps we could use the shed to leave the house and have a coffee.

There is not a lot of room, but somehow I managed to squeeze 2 camping chairs and a wee stool into the space and we spent a wonderful hour drinking coffee and chatting without the weight of the world on the shoulders.

I'm already looking forward to our shed date next week.

Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres - Episode 1 - not as bad as I'd feared

I expected to be an emotional wreck this morning.

Instead I was swathed in a glorious sense of calm and serenity.

Last night was the first of what I plan to be a live, weekly, video podcast (vodkast?) called "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres".

While it is certainly not perfect, and there is plenty of room for improvement, it wasn't bloody awful.


(this is a screenshot - actual video below)

Given the obstacles I had to overcome:

- I had to learn how to use an entirely new piece of software – OBS – in order to be able to switch viewpoints and overlay texts.
- While I can talk endlessly to people in front of me, talking to a camera with no visual feedback (smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows etc) means I have no idea whether I'm communicating what I want to.
- I couldn't use a script (beyond the opening sentences) because that would require looking at my screen and not at the camera.
- The sense of "imposter syndrome" was frequently overwhelming from the moment I'd announced I was going to do this.
- Because of the CFS/ME, I have way fewer productive hours in the day available to me.
- We're in the middle of a global pandemic, in isolation, which triggers all sorts of mood swings.
- My photography business as I know it is all but dead so the sense of who I am and what I can do feels severely compromised.

With all these things, the fact I managed to do the thing at all, and not make an utter fool of myself, felt like a major achievement.

The huge amounts of stress I've put myself through over this, on top of all the pandemic stress, meant I was quite convinced that once it was over I would collapse in a heap and weep for several days.

Maggie was warned she would need to remind me that it was OK for me to periodically sit with a blanket over my head and dribble into my shirt.

Straight after I'd finished I was definitely brain-fried and incapable of doing much other than watch mindless TV for a few hours, but I expected this morning would be the emotional maelstrom.

And yet, here I sat feeling more relaxed than I have for many, many months.

I don't think it's just the relief you get when you stop banging your head against a wall.

I think it's about control.

So much has felt out of my control for so long, that to make this happen against the tumultuous emotional backdrop, meant I wrestled it to the ground and for a wee while, at least, I have stamped my authority on it.

I know it will be short lived, but right here, now, in this moment, I am enjoying bathing in the forgotten feeling of peace.

UPDATE:
I was feeling serene until I tried to upload the video to youtube, then it told me I was limited to 15 minute videos unless I went through their verification process.
Youtube is owned by Google and I've done their verification process, but I tried to do it anyway and it wouldn't accept my number, so I used my wife's phone, then it wouldn't accept the verification code, then it wouldn't accept either number to retry... and so on.

Desperately trying to find a solution in the Google/Youtube help section I came across an entry with 220 other people complaining about exactly the same thing and no one from Google/Youtube answering it

Sigh...

I will try again in 48 hours.

---

To be honest I don't expect many people to watch the whole thing, so feel free to skip forward over bits you're less interested in. But hopefully you might gain some useful photography insights and tips.



In this episode:
Getting to grips with a brand new podcast
1.32: The story behind the Jack Vettriano inspired Cafe Largo photo shoot at Mossyard Beach
8.40: What to understand about cropping photos
18.13: Understanding photography as a storytelling medium
28.25: Explaining Critique
35.35: Feedback on a few submitted images
1.07.04: A few questions answered

Going Live on Tuesday at 7.30pm...

(this is a screenshot - scroll down for the actual video)

Well that's it – I've committed now!

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........

PPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!

Following my last post – What Are You Interested In? – I received various ideas and feedback on my Facebook page and Instagram (not here though, as my blog seems to be viewed entirely by lurkers and very rare (but hugely appreciated) commenters).

One particular suggestion really grabbed my thought process – the idea of doing "critiques" (constructive criticisms) of photos people submit to me.

It came from someone who helps run a camera club, as club members and many amateur photographers are desperate for proper feedback on their images.

I know I was when I started out - in fact I still am!

While everyone happily sticks all their photos up on the different social media platforms, the responses are nearly always positive, regardless of how bad the photo might actually be.

The reality is no one wants to be seen as impolite, or to upset anyone, so if they really don't like it, or can even see a way to improve it, they generally don't say anything.

This does give a lot of people a highly inflated sense of their own ability with a camera.

The basic problem is that while praise is lovely, we don't learn from it.

So if you really want to advance your knowledge and skills, you have to be open to finding out where you went wrong, and how you can improve.

Those who move forward with their photography the quickest are those who assume every photo they take could have been better, and are delighted if someone can help them past their own blind-spots.

Fortunately I learned how to critique (tactfully) a few years back. And with all the knowledge and experience I've gained in over a decade of professional photography, I figured this might be something that would be of use and interest to anyone with a desire to improve their photography – from beginners to pros.

So, how about a weekly Facebook Live slot where people can submit their images, and I will give critiques, and in the process reveal a lot more tips, tricks and techniques? As soon as I start discussing light, leading lines, the power of diagonals etc, then anyone watching will gain really useful information regardless of whether it is their photo or not.

This seemed like such a great idea, up until I posted the video last night letting people know they could tune in on Tuesday at 7.30pm UK time.

Then I was absolutely overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and sheer panic.

What on earth had I done?
What if no one submits anything?
How arrogant am I to think I could dare to critique anyone else's photos?
What if no one watches?
What if people do watch, but have high expectations?
What if the whole thing just becomes an exercise in humiliation?

Suddenly I had that feeling described in my post, Phantom Energy Syndrome, where I'd just thrown myself off the top of a cliff in the hope that I would figure out a way to survive before I hit the bottom.



My only hope is that somehow I will be able to make it work well enough; that anyone watching is sympathetic to my nervousness; and that if I do make a total arse of myself, hardly anyone sees it.

So for my lovely, lovely blog reader, here's the video I put up last night, and I invite you to join me on Facebook Live this Tuesday at 7.30pm UK time, and give me some support. I'll need to know there's a friendly face watching



Ever wanted to improve your photography?

Understanding lighting, composition and storytelling is key to lifting your photography to the next level.

I will be doing a weekly Facebook Live session on Tuesday evenings at 7.30pm where I will answer the questions and critique the photos members have posted during the previous 7 days.

I've created a Facebook group called "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres"
https://www.facebook.com/groups/240842990388815
for people to post the images they would like to get feedback on in a constructive way, and for anyone who would like to learn the tips, tricks and techniques of professional photographers.

This is all new to me, so will no doubt develop over time, perhaps to include short tutorials, behind-the-scenes videos, and even interviews with other photographers.

But if this sounds like something you would be interested in the please join the group, and invite anyone else you know with an interest in photography, lighting, composition and storytelling.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/240842990388815