The blog of photographer Kim Ayres

He Looks Like He Knows What He's Talking About... and Episode 69 of Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres

I was going to write about how the latest changes to the Facebook Live interface, led to me having a major panic when I started the podcast last night, as I could see neither the video nor the comments while I was broadcasting.

I ended up having to cancel it and start again a few minutes later, despite the fact people had already started interacting.

However, despite the worst start to a podcast in 69 episodes, within a few minutes I seemed to be confidently chatting away, deconstructing people's photos and giving them feedback on how they could improve, or re-take the photos they'd submitted to the Road Photo Challenge.

And it was this that got me thinking about what to write today instead.

When I'm editing my podcasts, before uploading them to YouTube and this blog, I'm essentially watching the whole thing, but from the outside – so I see myself in an entirely different light.

I think it's easy to assume that because I place myself in the public eye, live and unscripted, each week, and deliver advice and critique to people wanting to improve their photography, that I must be bubbling over with self confidence and certainty.

But it's not like that from behind my eyes.

In my head it's almost constant chaos, and hundreds of thoughts are leaping in about what I should say next, how someone might react to it, whether I'm repeating myself, whether the podcast is actually going out or has frozen, worrying about the number of people watching, and whether I'm getting any comments, and how I should react to them, and of course all this leads to a constant background hum of Imposter Syndrome.

Who the hell am I to think I should be advising anyone on anything when my mind and emotions are continually all over the place?

And yet, when I watch myself back, it's like experiencing some strange doppelgänger who looks and sounds just like me, but appears calm, friendly, and like he actually knows what he's talking about.

How does that happen?

Sometimes I can watch this strange Kim-from-a-parallel-universe give really well thought out responses and advice, and find myself thinking, “Wish I'd thought of that...”

Maggie asked me recently why I keep going with the podcasts – what is it I love about doing them?

Primarily it's about the good feeling I get knowing I'm helping other people, and getting lovely feedback from those who say they have really benefitted from them.

But truth be told, there's also a part of me which quite likes seeing this confident, knowledgeable version of me up on the screen.

It gives me something to aim for.

Perhaps one day I can be a bit more like him.

Meanwhile, enjoy episode 69 below, where I give lots of amazing advice and feedback to people who sent in their images to the Road Photo Challenge.


0:00 - Welcome, recovering from a major screw-up and needing to restart the podcast, greetings and comments
2:26 - Introduction to the Roads Challenge set last week
05:20 - Reviewing images on the theme "Roads" submitted to the Facebook Group, "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres"
1:42:44 - Coming up next week
1:46:00 - End

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And, or course, if you would like to submit a photo for feedback, or just ask a photography related question, then do join my Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres Facebook group and I will put it into the following podcast:


Viji said...

Kim, you are not only a great host during podcast, you are a versatile writer 😊 Thanks Kim.

doppelgänger 😊

Kim Ayres said...

Viji - many thanks for your kind words :)

Ben Craven said...

Here's a thought that I sometimes apply to myself in my times of self-doubt. I'd much rather be the sort of person who's maybe better than I think I am, than the sort of person who thinks they're great when they aren't really. (Many public figures in the last category!).

I must confess that I love reading stuff that I've written for the same sort of reasons that you like watching your own podcasts.

And be assured that we don't see your inner panic either! Just an impressive ability to take almost any photograph and see possibilities in it that we hadn't spotted.

Best wishes


Kim Ayres said...

Ben - interestingly, this just turned up in my inbox and has some pretty good insights into it all. Have you ever seen the Oatmeal comics? I do enjoy them :)

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