The blog of photographer Kim Ayres

Pressing the Wrong Button - and Episode 41 of Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres

I'd already been talking into the webcam for over 4 minutes when Maggie came into the room to say nothing was happening – the "Live Now" display was still showing and there was no sign of me.

I glanced over at the OBS software I use to help me switch screens during the podcast and realised I must have hit the wrong key without realising.

41 episodes in, and I still manage to get tripped up by the technology.

It's not that I'm completely incompetent, it's just competency levels for all of us are directly related to how awake or tired we are. Peak levels of concentration are not available to anyone feeling exhausted.

Unfortunately I feel exhausted much of the time – it's the primary symptom of CFS/ME.

In order to manage my energy levels so I have enough for the Tuesday evening live event every week, I have to take extra care about what I do, or don't do, throughout both Monday and Tuesday.

Too often I think I feel fine and take on just a bit too much and then suddenly I realise I've overdone it. And the knock on effect of that is even a day later I don't have as much left in reserve as I need.

Despite "borrowing" extra in the form of adrenaline (for which I will pay heavily, with interest, over the next couple of days), nothing runs quite as smoothly. I'm 10 times more likely to screw up the beginning of the podcast, and throughout the episode I will ramble more as I talk around an idea or concept because I cannot find the right word – taking much longer to get to the point.

I have no idea how noticeable this is to the viewers. I suspect most probably don't realise, because they're not looking out for it. However, my wife and one or two people who are more aware of my condition can see me struggling more behind the self-deprecating laughs as I swap the wrong screen, use the wrong words, or mispronounce someone's name... again.

But I have no intention of stopping any time soon.

I love doing these podcasts. I love the interaction. I love helping people with their photography. I love the feeling I'm making some difference in the world, however minor.

I just have to find ways to make sure the fatigue doesn't get in the way too much.


0:00 - Welcome, what's coming up, greetings and comments
5:30 - Introduction to the "New Beginnings" photo challenge
8:50 - Reviewing images on the theme "New Beginnings" submitted to the Facebook Group, "Understanding Photography with Kim Ayres"
1:10:00 - Creating wallpaper patterns out of images
1:22:44 - Coming up next week
1:26:05 - End

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