"Dad! There are some funny noises coming from the logburner!"
"Don't you mean funny smells? Has someone put something plastic in it again?"
"No, it's not lit. I think there might be some kind of creature inside..."
I don't know where in the Family Handbook it says Husbands/Dads are responsible for investigating any unknown noises, but I'm assured there's an entire chapter devoted to it.
Quite uncertain as to what I might find in there, I very carefully opened the door.
Initial suggestions it might be a dove that had coated itself in soot from the chimney on the way down, were neither accurate nor helpful. It turned out to be a full-grown jackdaw. And as jackdaws are considerably larger than starlings, I didn’t feel we could rely on the previously discovered method for removing birds from the house - see Bird in the Living Room
It took quite a long time to figure out a solution that wouldn’t involve getting pecked, shat on or a broken window. Eventually I carefully re-opened the door and put a large plastic bowl over the front, not really convinced this was going to work. But after stabbing it a couple of times with its beak, the jackdaw actually climbed into it and Rogan quickly slid a large sheet of card between the bowl and the log-burner. I was then able to take the whole thing out into the garden and the bird flew away as soon as I removed the card, apparently none the worse for its ordeal.
Someone else can clean the crap out of the fireplace though...