Sunday, January 11, 2009

You Asked For It...

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In reply to the questions asked in the last post...

Jupiter's Girl said...
Do you have a favorite scent?

There are some smells I enjoy because of the anticipation they create – fresh coffee, bacon, chocolate etc. But if we’re talking about aromas just for their own sake, then my favourite has to be bluebells – standing in a semi-wooded area in a sea of them


Charlie said...
Do you eat haggis?

No. I’ve never been a great fan of offal, so ground up heart, liver and kidneys wrapped in a bladder really doesn’t do it for me.


karatemom said...
Have you ever had a moment where you have been so angry at someone where you honestly thought you could seriously hurt them or did hurt them ..if so ..what happened?? and what if anything did you learn from it ??

There was a point in my early 20s when I was so angry I seriously wanted to hurt this guy. I could even see a point where if the conflict blew up further it would result in the death of one of us. I even had a strategy of how to dispose of the body, should I be the one to survive. It was related to a family incident, so I cannot go into details, but the rage and anger burned hard in me for many, many months.

Eventually I moved away, returning to education and going to Dundee University to study philosophy. He’s not been a part of my life for many years now, but if he died I might still dance on his grave.

What did I learn? That I have a very dark side to me. Part of me never really forgave him for revealing that to me either.


Sayre said...
I've been reading your blogs for a while now, but don't remember ever seeing whether you grew up in Scotland, if you ever lived anywhere else, if you LOVE it there, or if you had a chance to live anywhere other than where you are, where would it be and why?

I was born in Cornwall; my first memories are from Sussex; I spent a large part of my childhood in Wales; I finished growing up in Devon; I’ve lived in various parts of Scotland since I was 21, apart from a year in Nova Scotia, Canada, on a student exchange.

I don’t have a home town full of relatives anywhere. I seem to come from stock that travels. The area I live in now, in SW Scotland, is more home than anywhere else I’ve ever lived, and there’s nowhere else in the UK I’d rather be. However, the idea of living in a sunnier and warmer country does have an appeal, especially in the winter.


Conan Drumm said...
Diverse as we all may be, and looking at yourself as an example, do you think we bloggers share something in common?

Bloggers in general are as diverse as the human race. However, the bloggers that frequent this site and the blogging circles I prefer to move in, are usually characterised by a tendency to question the world around them and accept few things at face value.


LegalMist said...
My question is about #99 on your list of 101 things. What was it that "broke" you (was it the depression, or was there something else?), and how did you recover?

1998 broke me. Or rather a successive stream of circumstances which included the birth and near death (twice) of my daughter (see also Losing My religion), going self employed and the start and collapse of my first business; and some other family issues I won’t go into online.

Recovery seems like the wrong way of framing the answer, as somehow it implies a return to a previous state. I never returned to that. Since then I have been building myself anew. Some aspects of me have become stronger, some weaker and others have disappeared altogether.


Heather said...
how about: as the parent of both a male and female child (i think i'm correct on that--i'm an occasional visitor only), do you feel that you treat them fundamentally differently based on gender? and do you think that'll continue into their adulthood? hanging out at a family pic nic when they're both of age, are you just as likely to offer your daughter a beer as your son? or hug your son as tenderly as a daughter? i know this question may not take "special needs" into account--but maybe it doesn't need to*? (*honestly not sure.)

I like to think I treat my children based on who they are - their personalities, talents and desires, rather than with any gender or special needs agenda. It turns out my son is very boyish and my daughter is very girlie, despite a conscious effort to avoid things like toy guns or Barbie dolls.

I remember coming across an article about the nature-nurture argument that stated parents of one child, or even people with no children, tend to favour nurture. However, the more children people have, the more they tend to favour the nature side of the debate.

As well as our 2 kids, we also have 3 larger ones from Maggie’s previous marriage. But as we’ve been together for over 18 years, I’ve had a lot to do with their upbringing too. And I can happily say I hug my stepson and give my stepdaughter a beer when she comes to stay.

In the end we respond to each of them as individuals according to their needs.


Attila The Mom said...
Boxers or briefs?

The only men who can get away with briefs are children and those with toned bodies. Anyone else looks ridiculous. I think I was about 28 when I finally realised this (about 9 years too late) and have worn boxers ever since.


Mary Witzl said...
Do you ever miss England? What do you think are the fundamental differences between England and Scotland? (In no fewer than 50 words, pen not pencil...oops, sorry!)

I miss the warmer climate of the South of England, but I don’t miss the traffic and the tourists. As for the difference… I heard a joke recently: “Did you hear about the Englishman with an inferiority complex? He felt he was the same as everyone else.” (47 words)


karatemom said...
LOL @ Atilla...why am I so not surprised by your question? You left out "comando" in your question though.
And Kim ...do tell. :)

You can only really do that in a skirt or a kilt and I wear neither. In jeans it would create too much chaffing.


PI said...
What haven't you done that you would like to do before it's too late? Not that you're old or anything:)

Travel more. Much, much more.


Eryl Shields said...
As you are getting into portrait photography is there a person, living or dead, that you would like to be able to (or have been able to) photograph, if so, why?

The best photos to be had are of people with older faces, who are not too vain, but still have plenty of life in them. Lines, creases and wrinkles generally make for far more interesting images than smooth skin. I don’t know if there’s anyone in particular, but The Rolling Stones would certainly fit all the criteria :)


Savannah said...
i like the silly questions best, so favorite movie of all time...only one and tell me why it's your favorite. xoxox

How on earth can I narrow it down to one? It changes depending on what mood I’m in and whether I’ve recently seen it again. But if forced into exile with only one film to watch ever, it would probably have to be The Blues Brothers for the music, the comedy, the car chases, the destruction and the sunglasses.


Pearl said...
Why is six afraid of seven?

Karatemom answered that in the comments :)


Cheche said...
Why did the chicken cross the street?

Because of cultural expectations and an inability to challenge narrative assumptions...


Carole said...
What is your favorite childhood memory?

I’m not entirely sure why, but I don’t remember a great deal of my childhood. I think part of the problem was I never really enjoyed being a child. I’m considerably happier as an adult. My favourite times, however, were without doubt the 2 times we went on holiday to Continental Europe – in 1976 and 1979. Both times we went camping, “until the money ran out” which was about 5 weeks. In ’76 we went to Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg and Germany, and in ’79 we went to France, Switzerland, Italy and back to France.


Problemchildbride said...
I like Conan's question and have wondered about it myself. What do you think?
What would you have done differently, if you had the chance to revisit it?

Sam - I don’t think your question makes sense if you’re referring to Conan’s, and I wonder if you meant Legalmist’s? If so, the answer is I really don’t know. So many of the circumstances in 1998 felt completely beyond my control. I would, however, most definitely have set up a different business than the one I did. That would have counteracted that aspect, at least.
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27 comments:

Sayre said...

Your living history seems to similar to my father's - except you wound up in Scotland and he wound up in the USA! He was born in London, grew up in Wales and Devon (at least during the time off from school - he was sent away as many kids were).

savannah said...

i love this type of post, sugar! a chance to delve a tiny bit deeper into the mind of another. even when you're being funny, there is a seriousness (to my reading) to your answers that really speak to who you are. i am honored, sir! xoxox

Eryl Shields said...

I'm so impressed that you managed to answer all those questions so quickly.
And so interestingly.

LegalMist said...

Thanks for opening up so much to a bunch of "blog friends" and random strangers. I knew there was a reason I sent that award your way!

If you do some traveling and find yourself in Phoenix, Arizona, USA, drop me a line on my blog; I'll buy you a cup of coffee or a beer, if you're interested. :)

Attila The Mom said...

Thanks for answering my question. LOL

Kim Ayres said...

Sayre - my father reckons we have gypsy blood in us. After 3 years anywhere he gets restless to be on the move again.

Savannah - I sometimes fear I am far too serious and have to continually remind myself the world is far too bizarre to take any of it seriously

Eryl - I should also say I really enjoyed getting to photograph you & Stevie the other day. I'm really pleased with that one of you with the pipe, and the one of the 2 of you on the couch in black & white :)

LegalMist - coffee sounds good - I have a very low alcohol tolerance level and am likely to fall over or fall asleep if I take the beer option :)

Kim Ayres said...

Attila - missed you in the ether there - hope you were pleased with the answer :)

Jupiter's Girl said...

I had to re-read and thinkabout on that Englishman joke. Funny.

Love the one about how you treat your male and female children. That was a good question and a good answer.

I've never smelled bluebells; now I want to.

Jupiter's Girl said...

About or on. Make up my mind. Okay, I think it would be "about".

Carole said...

Great answers, although I was expecting several posts with interesting and humorous quips, pictures, and philosophical musings. You did it in one fell swoop. Now you still have to come up with a topic for you next post.

Mary Witzl said...

Hey, you really did it in fewer than 50 words!

Every time we've gone to England, I find myself perplexed by just how it is different from Scotland. It's so hard to pinpoint the subtle differences between the two countries, so I thought I'd get someone else to give it a go. Maybe England is just a little warmer -- and a little more crowded.

Not so vain, but lots of lines, eh? I'm rapidly working on a very fine portrait face!

Jen said...

Fascinating! And I'm not being facetious, either. :)

karatemom said...

thank you :)

PI said...

Re the time you felt murderous - there is no rage like the rage when family are involved. I almost felt that when there was a dispute about my mother's ashes.

Kim Ayres said...

Jupiter's Girl - I should probably have sent you that joke, but I'd forgotten all about it until Mary's question, then it seemed the perfect explanation :)

Carole - yup, I've kind of shot myself in the foot there. I should have gone for the several blog posts option. Ask me another question and I'll think about it :)

Mary - I think there are lots of small things, but it is noticeable that a lot of English will talk of The British Empire, really meaning The English Empire, whereas the Scots see themselves as an oppressed, or at least an overshadowed race.

Jen - thank you :)

Karatemom - you're welcome

Pat - I think you're right - which is probably why clan or tribal wars can go on for centuries. It's almost impossible to forgive when a family member is harmed

PI said...

Kim: it came out twice so I clicked on the dust bin. Because it was there:)

Kim Ayres said...

That's OK Pat, I figured that's what you'd done, so I clicked on the dustbin too and permanently deleted it :)

karatemom said...

I find it interesting that I have always viewed that icon as a "garbage can" ..and you guys view it as a "dust bin".

guess its a case of tomato tomatoe

Kim Ayres said...

Garbage is just sooooo Amercian, man :) Mind you, nobody spells tomato with an "e" on the end. Except Dan Quayle, perhaps...

karatemom said...

lol yeah it looked funny to me but I didn't know how else to write an accent hahaha.

Jeff said...

Kim, Sorry I have been awol of late. Really enjoyed this post and your honest answers.

Cheers

Kim Ayres said...

KarateMom - you say tomaydo, I say tomarto :)

Jeff - thanks :)

Fat Lazy Guy said...

Damn! I thought I had more time to come up with a question!

Oh well, I didn't end up coming up with anything anyway, so no loss :D

Great post, though. Nice answers.

Oh, incase you decide to do this again, though... perhaps you could tell us if you were a rockstar, and you had a rider that required a bowl of M&Ms, which colour would you insist there was none of?

PI said...

Karatemom: lift - elevator, sidewalk - pavement, I could go on but I have learnt not to be asked to be knocked up at a certain time:)

Kim Ayres said...

FLG - I'd insist they were a mixture of peanut and peanut butter ones

Pat - but do you use a rubber to correct a mistake or prevent one?

Ron Tipton said...

Here is my question for you Kim. First let me preface it by saying that even though I am gay I have no aspirations on you. I think you're a terrifc writer and very interesting but I am not attracted to you physically. Plese don't be offended but many straight people think gay men are attracted to ALL men but that is no more true than saying straight men are attracted to ALL women.

Now, my question: Do you think gay men (and lesbians) chose to be homosexual or do you think they are born that way?

You are obviously a very straight man so I an curious as to what your answer is.

Kim Ayres said...

Ron - you don't find me attractive? You could have been a bit more tactful about it...

I wouldn't worry - I wouldn't have felt threatened either way. In fact I might have been surprised if you did. I don't consider myself that attractive. My wife seems to find me so, and that's good, and a couple of American bloggers seem to love my "cute accent". But generally speaking I've never been one to turn heads or have people throwing themselves at me :)

Meanwhile, in answer to your question - I think there's a mix going on and it's not always either one or the other.

When I was 17 I went out with a guy for a week. We never got beyond kissing, but it never felt right. In fact the whole incident just confirmed me in my heterosexuality, and I never had to wonder about it again. And I do believe most men wonder about it, but very few will admit it.

I think it's not so much either-or, as a sliding scale. Some people will be born 100% gay or 100% straight. The rest lie somewhere in between, and that's where circumstances will make a difference. Someone with less natural tendency towards homosexuality might end up with more leanings because of certain experiences. And vice versa.

So, quite simply, I think it's a mix of nature and nurture for most people - how much depends on the person and the experiences