The blog of photographer and musician, Kim Ayres

Alternative Energy Source

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In these days of environmental awareness, global warming and the introduction of the term “carbon footprint” into the English language, the search for renewable, less damaging energy sources is underway. Money, time and thought has been invested into solar power, wind power, tidal power, electric cars and even bio-fuel as a way to help reduce carbon emissions. However, each alternative is beset with its own problems and limitations.

Nuclear power may emit zero carbon, but as the waste products will still be a health hazard 250,000 years from now, not everyone is convinced by government enthusiasm about building more stations.

Wind, tidal and solar powers are all dependent on the weather, which is unpredictable at the best of times.

Electric cars require plugging into the mains electricity system, which is still mostly generated by environmentally unfriendly coal, oil, gas or nuclear power.

Even bio-fuel, hailed as the renewable alternative to oil, is not without its problems, when the growing of appropriate plants has impacted on issues such as deforestation, human rights, the food vs fuel debate and water resources, to name a few. And, of course, bio-fuels have other emissions beyond carbon, which also damage the atmosphere.

However, here in the Ayres household, we have discovered a new potential, renewable, environmentally friendly, zero carbon emission, portable energy supply, where each unit is active for several years.

It is The Hot Flush.

Yes indeed, you heard it here first, Ladies and Gentlemen. Menopausal women are the energy source of the future.

Cars, buses, trains, planes, schools, hospitals and government buildings across the land always contain a number of women of a certain age, just waiting to feel appreciated.

Thinking of building that extension to make a granny-flat for the mother-in-law once the mortgage is paid off? Build it now and tap into this vital resource, before it’s too late.

Women of the world, forget HRT and attempting to compete with surgically enhanced celebrities trying to look forever youthful, and embrace the third age of womanhood with pride and a sense of empowerment. Never has humanity, nay, the future of the entire planet, needed you so much.

Now all we need is an rocket scientist* to help design the power converters and we will save the world!



*Where’s Dr Maroon when you need him?
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26 comments

Anna van Schurman said...

Is this an English/American divide to add to my list? We call it a hot flash. Hot flush made me giggle. Sounds like something you might do after a curry. You can come over here and laugh at my mother talking about her fanny, by which she means bum, and we'll call it even. ;)

Kim Ayres said...

Yup, it's definitely a Hot Flush in the UK.

A Hot Flash would be something more like a good looking streaker...

savannah said...

just blog about it enough and it will happen...good luck to the missus, sugar! xoxo

(btw, where the heck is the doc anyway?)

Anonymous said...

Brava, I could be a fuel source.!!! no longer anonymous

Fat Lazy Guy said...

When I first read hot flush, I too thought it had something to do with the toilet as well. I actually thought you were talking about this idea someone had to install turbines into the down pipe from the cistern to the bowl, to harness that energy.

Carole said...

Very funny. You hit a homerun with my tickle bone on this one.

Tara Marie said...

lol

PI said...

I bore bravely, the hot flush for all of a week, then thought sod this for a game of soldiers and did what I had to do.

Kim Ayres said...

Savannah - Doc says he's not dead, but I'm not sure if he was just stringing me along

NLA - indeed you could :)

FLG - well with you being a young man in his early 20s I'll forgive you for not getting the references straight away

Carole - :)

Tara - :)

Pat - Having seen effects up close, I'm not about to judge anyone's solutions

Mine is a Gin said...

Spot on, Kim! My elderly aunt had hot flushes and I like to think I'm too young for them, so I have Power Surges. Mostly in the middle of the night, so I'm on some kind of Economy 7 version of the menopause, I think. I did once have one in the office though, and one of my colleagues got up, opened the window & said "Is it hot in here, or is it me?" I didn't like to say, "No, actually it's me"

Dr Maroon said...

Yes well how very mysoginist of you.

May I suggest you look in last week's New Scientist for AC Grayling's column which, serendipidously is on this very subject, the hot flush/flash and the male reaction to it.


You have proved him right on so many levels.


Get out of bed you lazy bastard!

Dr Maroon said...

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg18124356.300-a-c-grayling.html

here's the link.

not only that, but i read that article in the magazine just the other day, and you're saying my solipsism is imaginary?

Kim Ayres said...

MIAG - it's true, standing next to someone having one is like standing next to a radiator.

Dr Maroon - Nah - it's all about combining power with empowerment.

Anyway I would have read your article with interest except that first of all you gave me the wrong link, then when I found the right place I couldn't read the whole article 'cos I'm not a subscriber.

Really, Doc, you've been away from blogging for too long

And 2 unanswered texts hardly counts as stalking...

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Don't let her near anything flammable, and keep the lids on the bottles of spirits, nail varnish remover etc! You could be looking at a backflash. A backflush even.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

like the new piccie!

Pendullum said...

And you LIVED to write this post???
Best to 'sleep'(wonder why you have problems?) with one eye open Sir...

Eryl Shields said...

I'm with Pen. Be very careful.

amy flege said...

rolling here!! haha

Canadian Girl said...

Given that my hands and feet are nearly always cold and I wear slippers in the house at all times, the idea of a hot flush is actually kind of appealing. Of course, I'm sure I'll regret having even THOUGHT that when I go through it myself. My condolences to your lady love.

PI said...

I love MAG's 'power surges'.

Kim Ayres said...

Sam - now a black flush really does start to sound like it's toilet related...

Pendullum - *cough* the kernal of the idea for this post actually came from Maggie herself

Eryl - she loves me really :)

Amy - :)

Canadian Girl - the real trick would be to be able to turn it off and on at will.

Pat - yes, Power surges sound good :)

Mary Witzl said...

I am absolutely positive I left a comment here, but I cannot find it! Now I'm just worried that I left it in the wrong place.

A friend of mine gets these, and it is awesome to watch her go from normal-colored to a deep, warm rose. From what I hear they are no picnic, and I do feel for Maggie. For some reason, these seem to have passed me by, but I go along with the power surge idea 100%. I love to think of being in charge of a great surge of energy that only I can control.

PI said...

Help Scottish people! I've got a quiz - part of which involves Scotland and no-one can do it. Excuse me Kim.

Kim Ayres said...

Mary - it's that being in control bit which is the tricky part...

Pat - I'll be over to take a look soon

Jupiter's Girl said...

In New Orleans, it's hard to tell when I am having a hot flash. If I am hot, so is everyone else, but I am just sure they could not cook an egg on themselves like I could.

Kim Ayres said...

Sounds like a new party trick :)

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