Friday, February 15, 2008

Rocket Fuel

.

Ugh…

“Turn it upside down”

Huh?

“The other way up”

Oh. Now what?

“Press the bottom”

The lid?

“What?”

The lid is at the bottom because it’s upside down

“No, the base of the cup, not the lid.”

This bulgy bit?

“That would be it, yes. Press it in.”

Now what?

“Shake it for 40 seconds.”

The bulgy bit? How do I shake that?

“Shake the whole cup, Kim. For 40 seconds.”

...

Is that 40 seconds yet?

“I don’t know, I wasn’t timing you.”

It’s hot. I’m starting to burn my fingers

“It’s probably ready then. Take the lid off… Turn it up the right way first!!!”

Well it looks like coffee…

“Just drink the damn stuff”

*slurp*

Oh bloody hell, that’s vile.

“It doesn’t matter, just finish it.”

Do I have to?

“We’re still an hour from home so the alternative is we stay in this lay-by for the night and try and sleep in the car, or you drive us, fall asleep at the wheel and we crash and die horribly.”

...

“Are you ready to drive yet?”

OfcourseIam, passmeamintfromtheglovebox totakethisfoultasteoutofmymouth. Didyouknowthatiftheworldwasthesizeofabeachball, PlutowouldstillbefurtherawaythanInverness?



Rocket Fuel Self Heating Coffee – the emergency drink when you’re still an hour’s drive from home and the only alternative is to fall asleep at the wheel and crash and die horribly.
.

25 comments:

gimme a minute said...

That's a caffeine delivery system that I have yet to try. Sounds magnificent.

Have you slept since?

Conan Drumm said...

Eeeewurrrrghaayuuuck...

Fat Lazy Guy said...

I remember reading horror stories about Wolfgang Puck's version. People getting burned from the chemical reaction burning through the packaging or through to the coffee and explosions. I'm sure you're happy I decided to comment :D

Kim Ayres said...

Gimme - It lasted about an hour, then I fell asleep between the car and the front door of my house

Conan - you've tried it then?

FLG - explosions? Well I guess you have to be careful of rocket fuel

PI said...

For some reason that reminds me that I seemed to have effed up my printer. Pressing things defeats me. Hope you made it safely.
Sorry about the expletive but I can't think of a better word except b------d. Is that more acceptable I wonder? The great Bernard Shaw would say my vocabulary was inadequate so what's the answer?

Kim Ayres said...

Pat - I think it's time you put together an expletive laden Blunt Cogs script to help get it out of your system

C in DC said...

And here I thought you were talking about the satellite that's about to fall to Earth...

Sayre said...

I haven't tried rocket fuel, but I have, in desperation, loaded up on coffee in order to make it to a town in the west that had a hotel or motel. When I finally got there, I was so buzzed that I lay there all night listening to my heartbeat.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

I used to scarf a couple of Pro-Plus caffeine tablets at exam time to keep me buzzing. I'm not sure about self-heating coffee at all. Not at all.

savannah said...

YIKES, sugar!!!! *hugs*
(i'm back)

Restaurant Gal said...

Geez, I haven't seen THAT one around my restaurant. Then again, there is much I would not want to see when it comes to folks doing what it takes to stay awake through a shift! Glad you got home safely.

Kim Ayres said...

C in DC - the state I get to before I've had coffee is one of seriously diminished cognitive functions. If there was a satellite heading right at me, I'd just stare at it until it hit me.

Sayre - Generally speaking I limit myself to 2 coffees a day - extras are for emergency purposes only

Sam - in a fit of youthful experimentationwhen I was around 19, I remember taking a whole pile of Pro-Plus as someone said it was like taking amphetamines. Unfortunately, caffeine is also a diuretic so as well as being hyper I kept needing a pee. Even when there was nothing left in my bladder, the urge was still there and it became very painful if I couldn't. So I spent the next 6 hours permanently drinking pints of water so something would come out every time I went to the loo.

I never did that again

Savannah - really back, or just teasing us?

Restaurant Gal - In your restaurant I'm sure you have decent coffee available - the only reason I drank this stuff was because it was kept in the car and I didn't have access to real coffee.

Canadian Girl said...

I've been known to drink coffee that ranges from weasel-pee (extremely weak) to mud, screaming hot to barely room temperature, and even day-old coffee if it has been in an air-tight insulated thermos. Still, I think I'd have to be rather desperate before I'd toss back a can of Rocket Fuel! You must have been in dire straits, Kim. I've never seen Rocket Fuel on my side of the pond.

Archivalist said...

Better living through chemicals, indeed.

Mary Witzl said...

Well, you've sold me! I've been having a somewhat sluggish week; partly because I've been trying to finish something interminable I've been writing, I've stayed up late for the past six nights. I could use a quick pick-me-up, and I begrudge the time it takes to go into the kitchen and make myself a proper cup of coffee. Where I can get some of this?

Charlie said...

The best dialog I've read in ages--funny stuff, Kim.

Eryl Shields said...

Gross!!!!!!!

jupitersgirl said...

I drive across the Causeway Bridge - 24 miles - after working evenings as bartender/cocktail waitress in New Orleans. The bridge, the dark of night, the rhythmic bu-dum-bu-dum, it is all so womb-like, so peaceful, so inviting into the arms of morpheus. Shhhhhh.

I scraped a hubcap up pretty badly the other night when I veered ever so sweetly into the concrete wall. Thank goodness that woke me up good. Others have gone off and into the water. One guy did that at 4 am and wasn't discovered until that evening when he didn't come home from work and the office said he never made it in.

I get a double shot of espresso during the evenings that I work. I have other techniques that I employ - singing, talking to myself, adjusting the radio often, rolling down the windows.

Oh how I love my bed when I get home.

Kim Ayres said...

Canadian Girl - weasel-pee mud is actually quite a good description...

Archivalist - better living than dying... usually

Mary - You can buy it in Tesco, if you admit to shopping there. Alternatively go in wearing dark glasses and a headscarf so no one will recognise you

Charlie - praise indeed coming from you - thank you :)

Eryl - it was :(

JG - my bed is definitely one of my best friends

Sandy said...

They made a self heating tea in a can a few years ago. It was ...er... not good. Perhaps we should lobby the goverment to get tea and coffee makers installed in all cars as law (even if it's just in Scotland where most journeys from Inverness start).

Sandy

Jeff said...

Interesting, as much as I survive on caffeine I think I will have to try that one...

Peace.

Kanani said...

SO what is it? Super caffeinated coffee?
Yuck.

Glad to hear you lived to tell us about it! I just hope you were able to sleep!

Oh... are you & Dr. Maroon going to do FreeScotland TV? I think it'd be a hoot.

Carole said...

Dying horribly would be a bummer. On the other hand you wouldn't have to talk so fast. Funny, funny, post.

Gyrobo said...

That's how I take my soup.

Kim Ayres said...

Sandy - hey, you're back posting again. I'll be across soo to see what you've been up to. Tell Bev she needs to start a blog

Jeff - you have been warned...

Kanani - it has added guarana, although it tastes more like added guano. As for projects with Dr M, he seems to have gone AWOL again

Carole - thank you :)

Gyrobo - perhaps if you were to pour the coffee out of the cup before activating the self-heating bit, you could then add a cup-o-soup and some cold water and keep it back for a picnic when you could then create an instant warm soup.

My guess is it would still taste foul though