How is it possible to feel so tired and yet the body refuse to claim the amount of sleep it needs?
You would have thought that if you’ve reached a point in the evening where you are struggling to keep your eyes open; where you are having difficulty just standing upright; and your words are slurring as though you’ve had too much to drink; that your body would just sleep for as long as it needs to fully recover if there are no interruptions.
At least that’s what I would have thought.
And yet, for no reason I can fathom, at 4.30am I lie awake, unable to go back to sleep, but not able to fully wake up either. It’s not like my mind is racing and I’m completely alert - I still feel tired, desperately tired, almost sick with tiredness.
For the next 2 hours I float about, periodically drifting into dream states for a handful of minutes, only to resurface, aware of my breathing, Maggie’s breathing, a car driving past in the distance.
Eventually, just before Maggie’s alarm goes off I sit up, propping the pillows behind me and switch on the light. It takes several minutes before I can fully open my eyes.
All I want to do is go back to sleep
But that’s all I’ve been wanting to do for hours and it ain’t gonna happen.
A couple of months ago I filled out a questionnaire the doctor gave me about energy levels and sleeping, and one of the questions was how often I feel fully refreshed after a night’s sleep.
I started at the question for a long time, startled by the implication.
You mean to say that it’s possible to feel refreshed after a night’s sleep? Does that actually happen? I mean, is there a section of the population for whom getting up is a refreshing and pleasurable experience?
I have absolutely no idea what that must feel like.
Tonight I’ll go through it all again.