The blog of photographer and musician, Kim Ayres

The Wrong Emotions

.
Ah, Mr Ayres. Yes, do come in. Take a seat. Can I get you anything? A cup of tea perhaps? No? Ok, I’ll come straight to the point.

I’m afraid there’s been a bit of a cock-up. You see, you’ve been given the wrong emotions. Don’t worry, we’ve got our people working on it, but it might still be a day or two before we’ve got it completely sorted out.

Have you noticed anything slightly amiss? Been feeling a little tetchy and irritable but not sure why?

Really Mr Ayres, there’s no need to take that tone with me. I most certainly was not being patronising. I think I can probably tick the box for paranoia too. This sheet? No it’s just so I can make a note of the emotions you’ve been feeling. No, Mr Ayres, it will not be available to any ‘Tom, Dick or Harry’ that asks.

How about fear and nervousness? You can come out from behind the chair, Mr Ayres, no one’s going to hurt you. That was just the pipes knocking. Happens all the time in these old buildings. You’re perfectly safe, I can assure you.

To answer your question, you were mistakenly assigned the emotions of Nora Huggins. Her postcode has a difference of one letter and it was a simple clerical error. She’s been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, which is why you’re finding all your emotions heightened and somewhat exaggerated.

We’re doing all we can to correct the mistake but in the meantime would ask for a little bit of patience and understanding from you, even if we did assign those to Mrs Huggins by mistake...

--------

Did you ever have a day when it felt like your emotions weren’t your own, so were completely beyond your ability to do anything about them?

I’m assuming it’s a side effect of the anti-depressants as they bed themselves in and it will pass in a day or two. If not I’m going to have to find Mrs Huggins and see what mood I would have been in…
.

24 comments

Dr Maroon said...

"Did you ever have a day when it felt like your emotions weren’t your own,..."

no.


eumenides? they justa falla da parta.

Classic and best.

ArleneWKW said...

Well that was very enjoyable to read.

And, oh my, I've never heard the term "cock-up" before. My visual does not match the context of your tale.

(Unfortunately my emotions were entirely my own today - when arrived at my oral surgeon for a consultation in a relaxed state of mind and left feeling stressed - and wanting to eat something.)

savannah said...

why, yes, sugar, i have..in fact, today was one of those days! i just chalked it up to cabin fever and a TEN TON PIECE OF PLASTIC ON MY RIGHT FOOT...did i mention i live in a2 story house? and my office is UPSTAIRS?


(tell me you're laughing out loud)

Kim Ayres said...

Dr Maroon - Euripedes? Eumenides yourself

Arlene - a cock-up is a mix up or making a mess of things. Click here for more explanation

Savannah - How much longer is the plastic to stay on for?

Binty McShae said...

All the time, mate... and those anti-d's can be a bitch.

ADW said...

I love cock-up.

Wait that didn't sound quite right. Oh well. And my emotions are always someone else's. At least that is my excuse.

Julie said...

Kim -- I've felt like that -- with and without anti-depressants. I don't like those days.

Brave Astronaut said...

"Cock up"? Are you on Viagra or anti-depressants? :)

You have to love the English language.

Several years ago, a friend traveled to England and stayed with a woman. The woman asked her son to ask my friend what time she wanted to be woken up in the morning.

The son went to the foot of the stairs and yelled up, "Hey, Kais, what time do you want to be knocked up in the morning?"

British definition of "knock up": To wake up in the morning
American definition of "knock up": to make pregnant

Tom said...

I blame other people. No misplaced emotions here; no, I'm just fine, thank you very much. If others would just stay the hell away from me, then I could just sit here in my white, padded room and be perfectly content.

No longer anonymous said...

I feel that way all the time (and I'm not on anti depressants ) Could you put me in touch with that guy I might have the right emotions but I'm wondering if my Life & bank account haven't gotten Cocked up along the way

Kim Ayres said...

Binty - I am not alone...

ADW - going on your usual posts, I would have said it sounds ideal :)

Julie - fortunately I don't have many and I'm feeling a little better today

Brave Astronaut - I take it you wouldn't be so sure then if someone wanted to bum a fag off you (don't worry it's not a porn link)

Tom - what I wouldn't give for a padded cell... mmmm...

NLA - ah, well, when you start bringing back accounts into it...

I've often said that I always knew I was born to be one of the idle rich, but my parents let me down.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I don't know about my emotions but I do know that Angelina Jolie stole the face I was meant to have, Samantha Power is away with the academic chops that were laid out all nicely for me the night before, and dammit if Mrs Rickman didn't get the Alan that should have been mine. Mine! All mine!

(is led away crying by nurse with big syringe)

Carole said...

I wrote a short story once about the buying and selling of emotions. Of course the good emotions, were quite spendy while anger, fear, resentment were a dime a dozen. It was a fun exercise.

I am too busy suppressing my real feelings to notice whether they belong to me or not.

Conan Drumm said...

Hope you're bearing up, body chemistry's a weird thing.

Restaurant Gal said...

Do you think we'll get a bonus if we turn in our sets of ill-placed emotions, together? I am tossing mine back in the ocean; I will be happy to throw yours back, too. Thinking positive thoughts for you, for real.

michael greenwell said...

hangovers can do that too!

a nd i always quote him but WTF.

"His whole life gfelt like some kind of dream and he wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it"

D Adams

Eryl Shields said...

I love your style. I think you've just written the synopsis for Samuel Beckett's next play!

Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

What if Nora was happy with the mistake? Who was the guy dishing out the emotions? Where did he get his emotions from?

savannah said...

i'm 2 weeks into what the doc said was going to be a 4-6 week recovery...saw him last friday and he said..see ya in 4 weeks...*my leg is healing and my ass is growing larger by the minute!!

but seriously, hope things even out for you, sugar *hugs*

Amy said...

Day? What about year?

Sayre said...

Hmmm... sounds like just about any day with PMS (which I'm finally cursed with in my mid-40s - nothing up until now!). That must be why you have MRS. Huggins' emotions rather than MR. Huggins'.

PI said...

Just now I'd settle for an anti-rage pill. Amazon have had an order from me since March and have let me know from time to time how there is an unavoidable delay. Then finally it was going to be delivered this week to catch the postal strike and now today have informed me that my card doesn't match. Possible because it was renewed in August. And just when you think you can't get anymore enraged there is no easy way to reply to the utter b------s.

Kim Ayres said...

Sam - I think Bill Gates stole my bank account too...

Carole - your insights are superb

Conan Drum - there's good days and bad days. Perhaps I should say there are good hours and bad hours...

Restaurant Gal - Standing on a long sandy beach in the sunshine is the perfect place to lob ill-placed emotions into the sea :)

Michael - Douglas Adams has an ideal quote for everything :)

Eryl - thank you :)

Dr McCrumble - hmmm, you could be on to something there - I like your conspiritorial thinking

Savannah - *hugs* for you too :)

Amy - sounds like you need a *hug* too

Sayre - well if you're in your mid 40s, the Change must be just around the corner. I'm presuming PMS stops once you get past that.

Pat - If you want to start up a campaign, I'll sign up

Stella said...

Padded cell sounds lovely..........peace and quiet! They'd have to let me have my books tho.

All content copyright of Kim Ayres. Powered by Blogger.